#instead of forcing it on people who don't want it

[captain-huggy-bear]

Priorities

Pairing: Quinn Hughes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Illness/comfort

Summary: When Quinn gets a text from you 2 hours before his game, he shows where his priorities lie when he drops it all for you.

Series: Teacher Reader series

Notes: I am not very well atm and I had to drive home dizzy from work the other day, the idea of Quinn being there to help has been stuck in my head so have some self indulgence from me.

A kind of sequel to In Sickness and in Health but you don't need to read that to read this.

Totally happy to take requests/ideas/prompts at the moment in my ask box :)

Writing Masterlist

He's already at the rink getting ready for the game in the locker room when his phone goes off. You don't actually ring him, clearly doing that thing you always do where you're trying to not bother him on a game day, instead you send a quick text message. He expects the usual:

'Good luck on the game today, baby!'

Instead, the text he gets has him picking his phone up and calling you back in an instant, worry clouding his judgement and making his hands shake slightly.

'Hey, so guess who's being sent home because she's dizzy and can't breathe? I had my head between my legs for 20 minutes, definitely can't stand and teach. Have a good game x'.

You drop the good luck at the end like he's not supposed to be worried, like you've just casually told him about the weather and not that you we're struggling to breathe.

It doesn't really matter that Tocc is giving him the look, the one he reserves for when he's annoyed at the boys, or that half the locker room have stopped their own pre-game, pre-warm up routines to watch their captain frantically call you. He's pacing back and forth, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waits for you to pick up the phone.

"Quinn?" You sound so incredibly breathless its like listening to an asthmatic 80 year old who's smoked for half their life. Except you don't smoke and you're not asthmatic or 80 which makes the whole situation about 10 times worse because you shouldn't be struggling to breathe. You should be doing better today.

You've been ill, he knows this, a chest infection he forced you to get meds for on the weekend. Meds which should have started working by now, a heavy dose of antibiotics and steroids which were supposed to have helped. You'd felt well enough this morning to go in and give work another go, but he regrets letting you do that now. Clearly trying to stand up in front of teenagers and talk was not something you should have been doing, not when the school day had only started half an hour ago and you were already being sent home.

"Baby, are okay?" You're sitting on the front steps of the school with all your things when you answer the phone to Quinn's worried voice. You keep telling yourself you just need a minute, just a minute and then you won't feel so dizzy, won't feel so breathless. Just a minute and the tingles in your fingers will go and your hands will stop shaking so much. Just a minute and then you can drive home and get into bed.

"Y-yeah, I'm...I'm just breathless. I'll be okay...they're...they're covering my...my lessons and..." You stop for a minute, taking big deep breathes, you sound so laboured on the phone that Quinn can't help but clench his phone tighter in his hand, "and I'm going home now." Your breaths are wheezy, just like Saturday, in fact he's certain you sound worse.

"How are you getting home?" He knows the answer before you say it and he hates it before he even hears it. You're dizzy and breathless and there is no way you should be driving home at all, but he knows you. Self-reliant to a fault, a martyr, always pushing yourself past the point of no return because you think you're fine, because you convince yourself you're fine. Because you don't want to inconvenience anyone or cause more problems. You ask to little of people around you, expecting barely anything despite all you give.

"I'm...I'm going to...to drive."

"No. You're not. I'm going to come get you." You want to protest a lot more than you do if you're being honest. But, you're so tired and it's so hard to breathe and students wandering in late to school are staring at you like you're having a break down. So your protests are relatively lacklustre by your usual standard. That actually worries him more.

"It's...there's like 2 hours before the game...you've...you've got warm ups soon." You hate the idea of him missing warm ups or god forbid the game, all because you were too stupid to realise you shouldn't have gone into work in the first place.

"So, I'll get you, take you home and come back to the rink and play. I'll walk to the school tomorrow and collect your car so you don't have to worry about it. But, you aren't driving, baby. If you even try to get in that car I will being fucking pissed. I love you, you do not get in that car." You know he's serious in that moment, not just because he's very rarely angry at you or anyone but himself, outside of the rink, but because he's got that clipped tone he only uses when he's serious. This isn't a request, it's a direct order and you have no intention of disobeying it, not when you know he's right...not when it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside that he's so insistent about your wellbeing.

"But, what...what if you miss warm ups?" He loves how much you support him and his hockey, he always will, but he hates that your first thought is that hockey should come first. His girlfriend can barely breathe right now and he quite honestly doesn't give a flying fuck if he misses warm ups. The team had to pull themselves together at some point and you came first. Always. If they couldn't manage warm ups without him then what was the point of paying them so much money?

"Warm ups aren't my priority, baby. You are. Do not get in the car. Do not drive. Do not move. I'm leaving right now, okay? Just sit on the steps of the school and take deep breaths." He's already grabbing his keys, not even bothering to change out of his gear other than putting some proper shoes on so that he can actually drive. He knows it'll spark some speculation and rumours, Captain of the Canucks storming out of the arena 2 hours before puck drop in full gear except his skates, but he doesn't fucking care about that right now.

"...Okay...thank you, Quinny. I love you." You say it because in that moment you have never felt so loved, to have someone drop everything, something so important, to come get you...Maybe its the meds, maybe its the breathlessness, the infection, but you feel like crying a little because of how sweet he is even when he's bossing you about.

"I'll see you soon, baby. I love you too."

He doesn't waste time once he hangs up, just turns straight to Tocc and tells him, "I'll be back."

The look he gets is a mixture of disbelief, frustration and confusion and he really can't blame Tocc for it. Not when Quinn is the captain, the player that seems to make a massive difference on the ice, and he's about to run out the doors 2 hours before the game? Yeah, he knows Tocc doesn't want to hear it.

"Quinn, where you going? We have a game in 2 hours?!" He knows he's going to be cutting it fine with Vancouver traffic and getting to your school, the apartment and back to the arena, but he's not letting you drive. He could live with missing a game, losing a game, but he couldn't live with himself if he let you drive home and something happened. His job was to look after you, if he failed at that? What was the fucking point?

"Tocc, I'll be back. I promise. But, right now my girlfriend is unable to breathe and dizzy and I'm not letting her drive home, okay? Sooner I leave, sooner I come back."

Maybe it's the insistence on Quinn's face, the reality that if he was forced to stay he wouldn't play well anyway. Maybe it's that you and Tocc get along and he can see a hint of concern in the other man's eyes or maybe Tocc just trusts him that much. But, he actually agrees to let him go. Not that Quinn could really be forced to stay. They'd have to tie him to the bench.

"Okay, I'm trusting you."

"Thanks."

Quinn ignores every single person he storms past, every employee, every fan outside, every person with a camera that starts asking him where he's going as he starts his car with one destination in mind. Maybe he seems rude, maybe he seems standoffish, but he doesn't really care because right now you are sat on the steps of a school struggling to breathe and he just wants to see you and get you home and into bed.

He doesn't even care that he knows Tocc is going to be questioned about his absence or that he can already hear his phone pinging with notifications from social media, most likely people asking where he was going and speculating.

'Just saw Quinn Hughes storm out of Rogers Arena in full gear, finally got fed up of his team?'

'Um, is anyone else panicking that Hughes just left the arena like 2 hours before puck drop?'

'Captain Lexapro has officially lost it with this team, just stormed out of the arena!!'

He tries his best not to break any traffic laws getting to you, despite the fact he has a lead foot that wants to press harder on the accelerator. But, he knows you'd hate it and you'd worry more about him getting a ticket, so he just grips the steering wheel tighter until he's turning into the school car park.

He doesn't try to park in a proper space, just pulls up as close to you as possible before hopping out. Your head is between your legs, shoulders rising and falling in laboured breaths and he feels like he's been punched in the stomach at how bad you sound.

"Oh, baby..." He's kneeling on the dirty ground within seconds and you try, through broken gasps to tell him he'll get his hockey socks dirty, but he doesn't listen to you, just reaches to pull you into a hug.

"Let's get you home, okay? Tomorrow we're going back to the doctors, okay?" You're leaning your head into his shoulder so heavily that he's worried you might actually pass out. It's like the moment his arms wrap around you, you just give up on holding yourself up. In truth, that's kind of what happens. You just want to lean into him, soak up the comfort of your boyfriend lighting petting your hair and whispering into your ear.

"Don't y-you have...practice?"

"I think I can fit the doctors in around practice, baby..." He doesn't tell you, but he'd forgo practice for you. He doesn't care about anything but how you're doing and you're not okay. Quinn can see that better than anyone.

"Alright, up you get..." He stands first, hands reaching for yours to help pull you to your feet. You sway before him like you're on a 16th century galleon in a thunderstorm, forehead plonking on his chest heavily, "Atta, girl. There we go." He just strokes your hair and back while you wait for the dizziness to pass, he knows each second will make him later to the arena but he's not going to rush you when you're struggling just to stand without fainting.

"Alright, let me get your stuff and then we'll take it one step at a time, baby, okay?"

"O..okay...one step...at a time." He tries his best not to let go of you completely as he bundles your work bag onto his shoulder. Quinn is as quick as he can be with it, before pulling you under his arm and helping you inch step by step towards the car.

It's slow going, every few steps you get a little dizzy and he waits for you to nod before he pushes you forward again. You're drained, dark circles under your eyes and skin losing some of its usual colour by the time you reach the car.

Quinn had purposefully pulled up the car with the passenger side facing you and you're thankful not to have to walk around the car as you brace yourself against the door for a moment. Quinn helps ease you into the seat, reaching over to put your seatbelt on for you and adjust the headrest so you can lean back. It eases some of the weight in your chest.

"Nearly home, okay, baby?"

You just nod, exhausted as his hands cup your cheeks tenderly, spreading a soft sort of affection through your already aching chest. He's so gentle as he looks down at you, fingers rubbing circles in your cheeks, but he looks so worried and you feel so guilty because he shouldn't have to be that worried.

"You've been so brave, baby, you're so brave...soon you'll be in bed and you can watch the game and sleep, okay?" He knows you'll want to watch the game if you're sat at home, mostly because you watch every game he plays even if its on catch up, but also because he knows it'll reassure you that he made it back in time.

You nod again, blinking up at him so tired that he can't help but frown.

"Atta, girl. My brave girl." The kiss Quinn presses to your forehead is short and sweet, not lingering but filling you with warmth and lightness even as he closes the door on you and gets into the driver's side.

You miss his comforting touch and as if he knows this, his hand reaches for your thigh at any given opportunity when it isn't in use to drive. The stability of it, the comfort of just having him there is so welcome and helps you to relax back into the seat as he drives.

It's just as hard work getting you into the apartment, thankful as ever that the elevator actually works, but once you're in, Quinn feels ten times lighter.

"Right, lets get you comfy, baby...you want one of my jerseys or a hoodie?"

"Jersey...the....the black one, please."

"Okay, sit down, there ya go, good girl.." He watches you the entire time from the corner of his eye, scared you'll lean too far forward from how you're hunched over on the edge of the bed. He tries to make the entire thing quick, reaching for his black jersey, the extra big one that he bought home because you liked how it dwarfed you and even dwarfed him.

"Arms up, baby..." He helps you out of your work blouse and your bra, slipping the jersey over the top quickly to avoid the shivers you start shaking with.

The worst part is getting you to your feet to get your bottoms off. Quinn helps you rise to your feet before kneeling in front of you, dragging your hands to his shoulders for support as he helps you inch out of the remainder of your work clothes. Your fingers grip his shoulders so tight that he's certain you might leave bruises but he doesn't really care, just happy to get you comfy and help you into bed.

You're bundled under as many blankets as he can find, plus the heated blanket you got at Christmas. A big jug of water beside the bed, snacks piled high because he is not having you try to go all the way to kitchen without supervision right now.

"You want the game set to go on?"

"Y...yes, please...wanna watch you play." He turns the television on, setting it to the NHL game set to go live in less than an hour now and he knows he's going to miss warm ups at this point. Tocc's probably blowing up his phone and he knows he's cutting it fine...but you look so small bundled up in bed and he actually hates the idea of leaving you alone. He hates not having his family near all the time as a general rule, but in that moment he hates it so much more. If his mum or dad had been near he could have asked Ellen or Jim to check in on you, instead you were going to be all alone and he hated it.

"I'll score for you, yeah? You can watch me score and maybe we'll win and then I'll come and make us dinner. That sound good, baby?"

"Perfect..." Quinn smooths your hair back from your face, tucking a strand behind your ear even as he uses it as an excuse to feel your temperature. Not unreasonably warm which reassures him a little that you're at least not feverish.

He just keeps sitting there next to you, stroking your hair and caressing your cheek to the point that as much as you're loathe to get him to stop and to leave, you have to remind him he can't stay here. He has a game he's already running late to.

"You...you have to go, Quinn...I'll be okay..."

"If you're not, you'll phone 911, right?" He smooths your hair back again, in truth he really doesn't want to leave you there like that. Even as you seem to be breathing a little better now you're lying down. He considers just not going, if they lose they lose...but he knows he can't. He's captain, he promised he'd be back...and you'd be unhappy with him. He might be your boyfriend but the Canucks were your team and you'd likely make him sleep on the couch for a week.

"I promise...just go win for me?"

"Okay, sweet girl." He presses a last lingering kiss to your forehead, before getting up to leave. But, he still lingers in the doorway for a moment until you push him to go.

Once he's out of the apartment he's rushing. Barely any time and honestly when he finally gets back to the arena and gets his skates on he's surprised he's just in time to go out on the ice for the anthem...cold, not warmed up in the slightest, not ready at all to play a game, but willing to.

Tocc stops him as he's passing the bench to get to the ice, "Cutting it fine, Hughes!" despite the gruff tone, Quinn can tell that Tocc is just relieved that Quinn's back in time. As are the guys who all look at him with varying shades of relief as if they'd been freaking out the entire time. Which they probably had.

"Told you I'd be back." Quinn says it with such confidence, even though inside he knows he nearly missed the entire game. To be honest if you hadn't forced him out the apartment then he'd probably have been late at best.

"How is she?" Tocc's voice is soft, concerned and Quinn appreciates it. He appreciates that as a coach Tocc doesn't just care about how much they cost or how well they play, he cares about them and their families too...and you're included in that, ring or not.

"Not good...but safe at home."

"You need practice off tomorrow?"

"Please, I need to get her to the doctors..."

"Done. Now go help us win the game." Tocc gives him a clap on the shoulder before pushing him out onto the ice and just like that Quinn slips into captain mode.

Locked in like he always is even if his legs don't feel as loose and his stick feels a little less familiar in his hands. Knowing you're home safe helps, he can put the thought of you to the back of his mind, knowing you're safe in the apartment, comfortable and surrounded by everything you need.

You find it hard to focus on the game, but force yourself to, determined to watch Quinn play and to see the goal he intends to score for you. Maybe it's silly, there's no guarantee he'll actually score, but you can tell from the moment he's on the ice that it's one of the few things on his mind. Shot after shot after shot, a determined series of attempts that remind you how important you are to him even as you lie wheezing in bed, eating as much chocolate as Quinn put out for you.

It's part way through the first period with one goal already to Vancouver thanks to Petey that the issue of Quinn's disappearance pre-game is raised.

"Quinn Hughes was nearly late to the game today, the captain missed warm ups but that's certainly not stopping him now!" Shortie's voice rings through the room, a familiar cadence that makes you feel comforted.

"No, it's not, Shortie, do we know why Hughes was late?" Dave responds and for a moment you can't quite comprehend that you've managed to cause this much of a ruckus.

"It hasn't been confirmed and you know I'm not much of a gossip..." You have a little giggle a Shortie even as you are the topic of conversation because it's not really much in the way of gossip and it's so silly.

"But?"

"Apparently he had a family emergency, his girlfriend is very unwell and he dropped everything to go get her."

"Well, that's just.."

"Romantic? Sweet?"

"I was going to say so unlike the Quinn Hughes we used to know, the one who only thought about hockey." You think back to Quinn when you first met, how everything had been hockey, hockey, hockey. You hadn't minded, your own love of the sport meant that you could handle it. But, it's true...Quinn had been rethinking his priorities ever since you started dating, where he might have prioritised hockey once, he'd started to prioritise you. You're not entirely sure at what point you became that important in his life, but it made you feel warm and fuzzy all over.

"I think it's a good thing, that's a sign of growth, just like Hughes' shot!" Shortie cuts himself off as you watch the camera pan to Quinn, following his agile movements across the ice as he skips past the other team's players as if it's as easy as breathing, "He's in past the defence, he lines up the shot and an unassisted goal for Quinn Hughes! Vancouver goal!"

You smile wide as you watch Quinn grin, celebrating with his team in a series of hugs before he finds a camera. There's a moment where you know he's grinning at you, for you, a cheeky little wink sent through the screen as if to say 'told you I'd score for you'.

"I suspect that one was for the girlfriend, Shortie."

You watch the entire game, trying not to nod off to sleep between periods. While you can't cheer and you certainly don't have the energy to celebrate too hard, every Canuck goal makes you feel lighter and brings a smile to your face.

The end result of a 5-2 win to the Canucks makes it easy for you to drift off as the game ends and the waiting for Quinn begins.

He's running off a high when the game ends, even more so when Boeser offers to take over press duties so Quinn can get back to you quickly.

The apartment is quiet when he comes in, "Baby?" not a sound comes back in response and he's careful to move quietly through the apartment to the bedroom doorway.

You're fast asleep, breathing heavy but nowhere near as bad as earlier in the day, you're surrounded by chocolate wrappers and he's quiet as he picks them all up and puts them in a bin, replacing them with the puck he scored with on your bedside table.

He tiptoes back to the kitchen quietly pottering around to make some dinner for you while you're still asleep, nothing fancy but protein, carbs and veg. The sort of thing that's definitely boring but also definitely what your body needs right now.

"Baby, time to wake up...I've made you dinner." He's gentle when he wakes you, soft fingers down your cheek as you stir awake, blinking up at him bleary eyed. Quinn helps you sit upright, the tray of food settling neatly in your lap.

"Where's...where's yours?"

"On the table, you want me to eat in here with you, sweetheart?"

He's moving before you finish nodding, grabbing another tray and his plate before joining you on the bed. He spends most of his dinner watching you eat, making sure you're not leaving large amounts and that you're okay.

He's happy about the win, happy about the score, but he's mostly just happy to be back with you and knowing that you're eating and you're okay, if not well.

Quinn's quick to tidy up your trays and even quicker to get back to you and get into a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, sliding under the covers with you and pulling you into his arms.

Your cheek rests against his chest, the steady thump of his heart a soothing sound that helps some of the anxiety about being off work ease off. Quinn's fingers caress circles and weird shapes across your arm and shoulder as he tucks you tight against him, legs twined together. Every so often he presses a kiss to your forehead, your cheek, the top of your hair, as if reassuring himself that you're okay and he's got you.

"You scored..." You mumble into his t-shirt, a small smile working it's way to your lips as his hand moves up to run through your hair, stopping at your scalp every now and then to scratch lightly until you feel like purring even if that purr is more of a wheezy rumble.

"Mmm, for you, baby." Quinn smiles down at you, another kiss pressed to your cheek.

"T...the wink?" His smile weakens slightly at your still stumbling breathlessness and the wheeze and crackle that accompany it.

"Just for you, sweet girl."

"I'm...I'm proud of you, y'know?" You smile up at him so sweetly that he can't help but feel certain in his choices today. Yeah, nearly missing a game was rough, and maybe the press are going to be dicks about it and maybe he would have felt guilty if he'd missed the game or they'd lost...but he knows he'd skip a million games if it meant you were being looked after, were safe.

"I know...and tomorrow you're going to show me how proud you are by letting me take you to the doctors again."

"Ugh..." You groan, hiding your face into his chest like that will stop him from dragging you to the doctors. Your stubbornness normally cute but in this moment less so.

Quinn cups the back of your head until your looking up at him, green eyes meeting yours with a pleading stare that makes your resolve tremble and shudder. "Please? I'm worried about you, baby...I was really scared when I got that text from you."

"Yeah?" You hate that you worried him...it's that worry that makes you concede that maybe you need to go back to the doctors and maybe as much as you hate it, you'll do it, for Quinn.

"Yeah. I can replace hockey, I can play another game if I miss one. But, I can't replace you. Let me take you to the doctors."

There's a beat of silence as he pleads with you, eyes soft, worried, gentle, thumb stroking soothingly across the base of your neck and you can't really deny him this. Not when you know you'd feel exactly the same if the roles were reversed, not when he nearly missed a game for you today and went in completely cold turkey to win it.

"Okay...as...as long as you keep cuddling me."

"I think I can do that, baby." You curl back into his arms like the spot was carved just for you and in that moment Quinn Hughes knows that you have fully hit the top of his priority list, no ands, ifs, buts or maybes. You could ask him to quit hockey tomorrow and he'd do it. He'd do anything for you and that should be terrifying, but it's not because he knows you'd never ask too much of him. If anything you ask too little.

[xx-emowarz-xx]

I'm not engaging with that person's followup because I consider them to be a pedant and a shit head but I do just want to add that the reason that I refused to take my lip ring out is because I did not think that job was going to pay me enough to warrant making any change to my personal appearance for it and also because I have adhd and lose my face jewelry very easily if I take it out. But the fact that a fucking motel paying less than 20 an hour had the audacity to ask me to take my jewelry out is part of the point I was making in this post. And that point is that it really sucks how this stupid baka world punishes nonconformity and that employers really really like to try to police your behavior outside of your job. I think it's kinda bootlickery for anyone to try to argue with that point. A lot of you are fucking pedants and are trying to knit pick this post, you need to actually read the post and figure out what I was saying (i.e. Some people are financially forced to change their physical bodies that they live in in order to conform to the aesthetic standards of employers which is incredibly authoritarian) rather than take issue with minor phrases I used in the post. This is reading comprehension 101.

If you want to argue with me shut the fuck up about "Well some people actually did leave their emo phase" (I don't care that's not what the post was about, you're annoying) or "Nuh uh that's not my personal experience" (I don't care, your experience is not universal or even particularly common, you're annoying) and actually address the point of the post, which I will repeat is that: Some people are financially forced to change their physical bodies to conform to the aesthetic standards of employers which is incredibly authoritarian. If you want to argue with that we can and I will call you a bootlicker, but address the point instead of talking about people who were briefly edgy in middeschool and then decided they were over it or by talking about how you personally found a job where you can have a mowhawk. guess what, so did I, its why I turned down motel 6. I'm currently searching for an upgrade rather than anything I can find. That doesn't change the fact that there are some people who are conforming to the no colored hair no piercings no tattoos rules because they're afraid of being homeless but who would otherwise look like me. I know these people I meet them at conserts and the like and I feel bad for them. I made a post about it. engage with the post instead of some bullshit

People don't actually grow out of their emo phases. People are forced out of their emo phases by employers who get a raging boner over controlling how their employees dress, cut their hair, whether they mod their bodies and so on

[deanangel]

Under Heavens Control

pairing: sam winchester x angel reader .ᐟ | minors do NOT interact

synopsis: heavens weapon and a winchester, both destined for something better, yet stuck with each other. unclean and full of sin they meet.

warnings: religious themes , mentions of blood and death (very briefly) , smut p!v unprotected sex (wrap it UP!!) , finger fucking , kissing , cumming inside , cockwarming (if you squint) ..

word count: 1.5k

THE air inside was thick and cold, restricting the amount of breaths one could take. the sound of screams evident in one's ears. crimson liquid staining the concrete walls, metal chains bounding one in place for eternity. despair and death overwhelmed anyone who dared to enter.

heaven to humans was the best place to go to in death. anything you wanted, you would have. it was sickening for you to think about honestly.

locked up and forced to do the angels' dirty work was how you spent your days.

being a weapon was all you knew.

there was no escape even if you tried, the other angels – your 'siblings’ – kept you on a tight leash, always finding a way to fix you when you malfunctioned. 

the children of god were pure, clean, and all things innocent. while you were none of those. rabid, dirty, sinful, and so on is what would be used to describe you. the first to go to war and the last to come back, blood staining your entire being.

you found solace in the ones like you; however, they never lasted long. always being taken away far too soon. warm hands cradle your face as if you were their pet, cooing softly that this is what you were made for. that you didn't need friends, only them. so you stayed, and never fought back. angels were the light, yet somehow you were the dark.

chained down and all alone is how you sat, until the faint sound of footsteps echoed throughout the halls. your breath hitched, awaiting whatever came your way. the voice of another rang into the cell. 

“we need you to go down to earth, a few souls are to be collected…early.”

the booming sound was opposite to the eerie silence you were used to. you knew deep down that this could be your chance to break free, escape from the shackles of heaven that weighed you down. but when push came to shove, you were under their control. trained like an animal, domesticated like a dog to bend to their every word.

watching silently as they unchain you, immediately jumping back like you'd attack. some dogs go rogue on their owners, they're afraid you may be next.

standing up with shaky legs you follow them, shoulders slumped and head low.

“make it quick, we don't need to waste anymore time.” the voice ordered, harsh and direct.

the sound of bare feet pattering against the floors filled heavens walls contrast to the usual heels and dress shoes.

eyes following your form as you trudge through the halls. the prayers of humans wash over you like a tidal wave, ears ringing as millions of voices flood into your mind. yet, you found the power to focus on one. his voice was calming, you could listen to it for all of eternity.

the wind cascading around your form snapped you out of your trance, wings almost failing to set you down safely onto land. it had been millenia since the last time you were set to go to earth. you were here last when lucifer wasn't the devil, instead he was a friend..

shaking those memories out of your head, you focus on the task at hand. 

collecting souls.

the human soul was pure and untainted, it held power that many wouldn't be able to wield. the more souls in heaven, the stronger it was.

it was your job to help make the empire better. it was a shame that they took the souls early, poor people. as an angel you didn't have empathy, but you liked to pretend you did when regarding humans.

the names were engraved into your brain, programmed into your software. that's how they kept you sane. taking you apart and rebuilding you once you showed signs of rebellious behavior.

the suns harsh rays beat down on you; however, it wasn't uncomfortable. the heat was better than the cold dark room you were kept in. taking souls was a rather simple job, but not when the soul was him. the man whose prayers you zeroed in on while in such a weak state.

sighing you made a choice, he would be last. and then – hopefully – you would've gotten over the nagging feeling in the back of your head that he could save you. get you away from their judgmental gazes and harsh orders.

you didn't want to do this, you were an angel. why you? why not capture a demon and make them heaven's pet. 

instead god chose you.

did he get off on this? one of his children being used and crafted to be as vile as the devil himself. it was his sick and twisted way of entertainment.

you didn't dwell on the thought much longer. ‘make it quick.’ repeating in your head over and over. making your way around the world, taking each soul in swift and precise ways.

here you were, standing in front of him.

sam winchester.

his brown hair framed his face perfectly, his entire being ethereal under the moonlight.

from what you'd been told, he was somewhat like you. being injected with demon blood as young as 6 months old, watched and manipulated by demons it was sad really. your hand came down onto his face gingerly. caressing his soft skin with care. a warm feeling filled your body, engulfing you in a blanket of comfort.

sam stirred slightly in his sleep, eyes opening to look up at the figure standing before him. a warm glow emitting from them. their presence was calming, lulling him to slumber. yet, he knew better than to fall for the trap of the supernatural.

“shh, you're safe. i'm here to help.” you cooed softly, copying the way you were spoken to. hand coming up to stroke his hair. he grabbed your wrist to stop you, his touch didn't burn like others did. instead it felt right.

“who are you.” he questioned, his voice rough and hoarse from his previous sleep. your heart fluttered and the warmth came crashing down–harder this time.

“i..i'm here for your soul, sam. heaven's orders.” you couldn't help but admit, something inside you compelling you to do so.

like he had greater control over you than god, than heaven.

his grip tightened and he sat up, bringing you closer to him with a slight tug.

he was beautiful, so beautiful.

sam couldn't help but stare in awe at you. your beauty was unmatched, like a rose in a field of weeds. you stood out. he could tell you didn't want to, he felt something pull him to you. he fully knew that you wouldn't hurt him when he brought his other hand to your face, running his thumb over your bottom lip. his heart melted when he heard the hitch in your breath at his actions.

you were laying with him, soft moans leaving your now swollen lips as he pumped his fingers inside you. your nails dig into his forearms as he lay behind you. “sam..” his name rolling off your tongue like silk. your back arched, deepening his fingers. “just like that, sweet girl..” he whispered into your ear, edging you on. his long, thick fingers hitting that sweet spot everytime. your hips shuddered and bucked against his as your orgasm came down over you.

sam continued his relentless pace as you came down from your high. chest heaving and pants escaping your mouth breathlessly. “y'so good f'me.” he whispered as he brought you closer, slipping his cock into your tight cunt. his arms encased you, but unlike heavens hold it wasn't cold nor painful, it was warm and brought great pleasure. you whined at the feeling of him stretching you out, juices coating his cock until he bottomed out. he kept a slow and torturous pace, keeping you still with his hands so you couldn't move.

“please, please!” you let out, pleading loudly for him to go faster. he gently caressed your hips, his thumb tracing circles into the skin.

soon the sound of skin slapping filled his room, your moans and his grunts echoed through the walls. anyone within a mile radius could hear what was happening, and he nor you cared to mind.

you gripped onto him tighter and so did he, his hold on you was bruising. pushing himself as deep as he could, he came. a warm sticky substance coated your inner walls. tears were streaming down your face. he stayed inside, tugging you so you were facing him, bringing your lips to his in a searing kiss. it was passionate and full of love, not dark and hungry.

you and sam were connected, bound together. not by heaven but by the duality of man.

you were more bad than good, and he was more good than bad. yet, you found solace in each other. both born to be weapons.

one got away, while the other stayed under their holders control. but, that would not happen again, for sam was yours and you were his.

heaven had no control anymore.

authors note: hiii everyonee! this is my first sam smut so please lmk how you feel!! comments are appreciated. i hope its okay because to me its not the best but i had to get it out of my head!!

[konjiangs]

A truth pollen fic where everyone thought SQH getting hit with truth pollen wasn't going to be that bad, and the only person panicking was SQQ. SQQ was already prepared to be on damage control to whatever secrets SQH might spill. But instead of SQH being loud and obnoxious, he kept saying, "I'm sorry," in a soft, pained voice.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry that I'm not good enough. This world deserves better." SQH blurted out. SQQ stood there in shock. He didn't think SQH blamed himself for how the world turned out.

While SQQ often directed his anger at SQH when shitty situations arose but he didn't actually blame SQH for it. He knew SQH had no control over the situation, and he suffered a lot in the world he created, even more than SQQ did.

"Shidi..." Everyone around SQH tried to calm him down, but he just wanted to leave and hide under his bed. He was forced to stay so MQF could find an antidote for him. Like everyone else, LQG was shocked by SQH, and he resorted to his default method of comforting people, which was to bring him soft blankets and pillows.

Everyone had seen SQH fake cry before to escape situations, but when he fakes it, he cries loudly to cause a scene. Compared to right now, where SQH mumbled more apologies under his breath while tears streamed down his face. It was unnerving to see the usually active SQH looking so still and defeated, like the words were draining his energy. Everyone just wanted him to feel better, but it wouldn't fix the underlying issue even after he gets cured.

After hours of research, the cure turned out to be a simple kiss, a true love's kiss. SQQ quickly directed LBH to send a message to MBJ.

The moment MBj showed up, to everyone's confusion, SQH perked up and started his usual thigh-hugging rant. It was like nothing was wrong with him, but throughout the rant, he would still slip in a couple of 'sorry'.

"Qinghua." MBJ said as he gently caressed SQH's face.

"You are enough for this king. Don't be sorry for being you." MBJ said fondly as he leaned in to kiss SQH. Their lips touched in a soft peck. SQH looked up at MBJ, and for once, he didn't see all his mistakes; instead, he saw a person who loved and cherished him. SQH's eye closed slightly into a crescent shape as he smiled at MBJ.

"Thank you."

[windvexer]

pick a blessing 🌼 pick a protector spirit (0)

How to play:

Decide if you want only the blessing, only the protector spirit, or both.

Choose an emoji sequence based on the vibes.

Discover your blessing and your protector.

Do you want the help of an animal guardian spirit? Try using this technique to call protective energies into your space. For a more relaxing meditation that can include your blessing and your protector, try this type of shielding instead.

Option 1: 🍡🌄🍅

Option 2: 🌊📝💙

Option 3: 🍖🎟👑

The following blessings and protectors aren't traditional magical correspondences :) This post is not a valid reference for your grimoire

Option 1:

🍡🌄🍅

Blessing: Willow

Willows are trees of immense magical power, deeply associated with the moon. They're able to protect against all evil and can guard boundaries and gateways, keeping out whatever isn't allowed across the threshold.

Your Willow blessing is to overcome obstacles, so you may pass freely while others are stopped from crossing you.

Protector: Goat

Goat is a sure-footed ally who is able to leap between points of tiniest stability with ease. She never looses his footing, but her headbutt makes her more than capable of toppling people much bigger than she is.

Goat will stand with you and help you find your sure footing today. Ask her to knock over people who are threatening your stability and safe spaces.

Option 2:

🌊📝💙

Blessing: Pansy

The beautiful Pansy brings the power of thoughtfulness and foresight into your life. He brings the blessing of being able to think clearly, especially about how what you say or do will be taken by others.

Your Pansy blessing is to be shrouded by a veil of flowers that block you from distraction and part a curtain to clarify important thoughts.

Protector: Dragonfly

Dragonfly seems to be suspended weightless upon the air, able to move with breathless dexterity and grace. As a protector, they bring the power of balance to your life - not exerting too much in any one area, and protecting you from being forced into over-exertion.

Dragonfly will hover over your shoulder and show you how to move with balance, while cleaving the power of those who would try to make you stumble.

Option 3:

🍖🎟👑

Blessing: Thistle

Unbeknownst to many, the Thistle is a plant of magical potency. It can be used to great effect to break hexes, the evil-eye, or malicious intent. It also protects against these things before they happen, making it a powerful ally of the home.

Thistle's blessing is to break any ill-intent from others that may be plaguing you, so that you don't carry the burdensome energies others have thrown upon you.

Protector: Hawk

An apex predator that soars through the skies, Hawk is able to see the tiniest movement on the ground far below and swoop in to catch her dinner. As a protector, Hawk has incredible vision and can see the tiniest little problem from a mile away, swooping in to catch it.

Hawk will fly with you and catch small problems as they arise, turning them around to your benefit.

[greersarchive]

This is all really good information! There's only one thing I want to take a small note on: "When trans people complain that 'cis kids get gender-affirming care, why can't we,' they're celebrating medical abuse of intersex people."

If you're trans and you use this complaint, you can still reframe it to be a valid and inclusive statement. When intersex people deviate from their gender, they are often forced to take these treatments, yet we who desire them are denied them." The double standard is still there and still worth pointing out, but now you're pointing out two bullshit problems at once, instead of reducing one. Also, I think the idea that cis intersex people might want gender-affirming care and the idea that cis intersex people are overwhelmingly forced to have gender-"affirming" care are not mutually exclusive. It's just that only ever talking about the first idea and not the second idea is doing things the wrong way around, because the second issue is the far more common one. I add this rider just because I don't want some intersex to feel bad if they do want gender-affirming care. You have no need to confirm to any standard but your own, but if you do wanna make a change, something you want for yourself and not something other people want for you, go for it. It's no one's body but your own.

This is the first time i’ve seen a pro-trans poster in a long time and i hope whoever put it up is having a good day, it made me feel a little less alone.

Hamilton, New Zealand

[dreamsteddie]

Steve and Eddie have to learn to give and take a lot in their relationship. They are two very different people from two very different backgrounds and that means they have different needs and ways of navigating life and it takes a lot of listening and compromising to fit their lives together. Those differences become especially pronounced around any major holiday.

Steve is a bonafide loverboy and while Eddie loves Steve to the point of becoming a feral raccoon about it, he's never been one for Valentine's Day. It's not even that he has any particular baggage attached to it. It's just that the popular crowd that loved to rub him into the dirt was always so gung-ho about it growing up so it's become second nature to tear it down for its capitalistic nature, forced affection, and disgusting color palette. When Steve wants to take him out for their first Valentine's Day, Eddie completely shuts him down without a second thought.

They end up spending the entire day alone and they're both miserable about it. Eddie calls at midnight and they talk on the phone for almost an hour about what happened. In the end, Eddie relents because he knows how much it would mean to Steve to have a day to celebrate their love besides their anniversary. The compromise is that there won't be any cheesy gifts that will end up in the landfill or themed gifts that have no purpose on any other day of the year. Instead, Eddie makes brownies (of the non-pot variety) and Steve makes dinner and they make a blanket fort at home and watch movies. They end up celebrating on February 15th every year and vehemently refuse to call any other day Valentine's Day

With Christmas, it's Steve who pushed too hard. He has a very picturesque image of Christmas in his mind that includes piles of presents, loads of decorations, and wholesome family time built up from too many holiday movies and too many lonely Christmases. The Munsons on the other hand are generationally poor and usually don't do anything for Christmas besides cooking up the ham the plant gives Wayne every year. Eddie especially hates how many people feel pressured to break their backs working overtime around this time of year so they can get their kid or spouse or whatever the newest this or that. Wayne did that Eddie's first year living with him, trying to build good memories with his nephew, but Eddie hated seeing his uncle hurt for him and spent Christmas day crying out of guilt.

He tries to explain this all to Steve who seems, at first, to understand but then he shows up to the Munson trailer Christmas day laden with wrapped gifts and decorations. He sets it all up quietly while the Munson men sleep and Eddie wakes up to find his living room covered in Christmas cheer. He knows Steve means well, but to Eddie it just feels like Steve is treating them like a charity case. That they just need someone to spend a bunch of cash on stuff and they will magically understand the magic of Christmas. He chews Steve out and goes back to his room after demanding Steve take everything down.

Steve comes back later that day with his tail between his legs apologizing for not listening to Eddie. Steve explains that he's always wanted a family Christmas where they spend the whole day together exchanging thoughtful gifts and eating way too much fudge and got carried away and tried to force it. When Eddie talks about how many people slave away to try and make Christmas happen when they're on his side of the poverty line, Steve takes that to heart. He may not get it personally, but he understands how Christmas can be a source of stress. The next year, Steve asks if Eddie would like to do a low-budget Christmas exchange with him (Wayne included). They make each other handmade gifts and aren't allowed to spend more than $10 for materials. They eat ham and mashed potatoes and exchange handmade scarves and patches and mugs. Even when inflation goes up they both refuse to raise the money threshold, both of them taking it as a challenge.

[laswells-ashtray]

How many I ask for some tasty Alerudy? My knees are fucked but I'll get down just to feast my greedy little gremlin eyes on some more subby Alejandro ❤️

RIP Selkie's knee, we [Orca and I] wish for the resuscitation of your knee health soon.

Maybe it was cruel to bind his wrists, rope wound around his wrists rubbing at the skin as Alejandro tries to buck his hips up against the boot pressing down on his cock.

It was certainly cruel to gag the colonel, tutting at his gargled words and murmurs. Warning the other man that he only listens to people who speak clearly, how is Rudy to know what he wants when the man won't tell him?

The searing rage in Alejandro's eyes might have scared him if he wasn't trying to tempt Rodolfo into putting more pressure on his cock instead of needlessly tormenting him, the sergeant-major nudging at his crotch lightly with the toe of his boot.

He sighs, feigning disinterest as he glances at his watch. Alejandro snarls at him, trying to inch forward on his knees and spreading his legs wider in invitation.

One that Rudy promptly declines.

He pulls his foot back, heel pressed back against the bed as he narrows his eyes at Alejandro.

"I don't my waste time scruffing growling pups, you calm yourself or you get nothing."

He watches the internal battle that Alejandro is thrown through. The urge to try and bite back versus the desire to concede so that maybe, just maybe when Rodolfo forced him to rut against his boot he'd be allowed to cum. Finish in his pants with a face shining scarlet, mortification painted across his cheeks as he fought between pulling away from the leather nuzzling at his clothed cock or straining his muscular legs as he thrusts his way into overstimulation.

He's met with a weak mewl as Alejandro tilts his head at him, damp curl falling into his face as his eyes drift between Rudy's face and his pristine black leather boot.

It appears he's made his choice.

[wizard-of-interesting-failure]

Okay listen.

First of all, lots of wizards don't want children. This is entirely valid and not at all because we spend all our time holed up in towers pondering orbs instead of meeting people. The legacy of a greater understanding of the nature of magic is just as valid as the legacy of producing a couple more humans or human/dragon hybrids or whatever.

Second, actually understanding arcane forces rather than just feeling them out or having your sugar daddy do all the heavy lifting requires a lot of learning and study and confers unique advantages like actually knowing what the fuck you're doing and being able to experiment, tweak things, recognize and manipulate the weave of the world, apply metamagic without having to stand around for six seconds making silly faces, etc. If I did have kids, I'd want that for them too.

Third, there is constant ongoing effort among the wizard community to make things more accessible. While some do hoard their secrets jealously, they are generally seen as pariahs and mostly fade into obscurity; the advantages each individual gains from access to the spells of the collective are just way too great. As such, when one wizard learns a dead language to retrieve a spell from a dusty tome, it quickly gets copied down and added to a broad repository of knowledge for easier access. There's still baseline knowledge prerequisites to understand the material, but see point 2. Rigorous mental exercise and study is not evil or pointless, despite what certain anti-intellectuals would have you believe.

Finally, wizardry offers reproducible results. Every sorcerer and warlock maintains a unique bond with their source of power, so while they may be capable of great feats those feats will die with them. Every scrap of arcane power harnessed by a wizard may be harnessed by other wizards in the same way. While fucking a dragon or getting (metaphorically, mostly) fucked by a demon might empower one person, the practice of wizardry empowers every sapient being for the rest of time should they choose simply to reach out and accept the gift. As such, I find it a little rich to say that it is we who are short-sighted and do not care for the future.

In summary, wizards are awesome and I am in no way bitter about being broadly maligned by public perception.

[the-crooked-library]

I would like to point out how clearly remake shows us that Ellen is not satisfied with Thomas sexually because their sex scene which is shot to be not sexy on purpose clearly, also shows us that when Thomas takes her Ellen thinks and talks about Orlok and wants Thomas to be like Orlok aka kiss her heart. But he can’t. He can’t give her what she wants.

^^^^ YES this aspect is incredibly prominent, and a significant component of the disconnect in Ellen's marriage to Thomas! There's a few intersecting issues there, but they all do come down to the same thing. Ellen isn't satisfied, because Thomas is never willing to actually take her desires and preferences into account when they are together.

It's shown numerous times that, in a sexual context, Ellen wants to be worshipped. She has a dominant and possessive streak, she is extremely sensual, and these elements are essential to her pleasure. They also intersect with her desire to be seen and recognized for who she is, as well to be given the respect she is so consistently denied. These desires are all strongly discouraged - both in her time, and sometimes in ours. As a woman, she is expected to be deferring; and chaste, except for when her husband chooses. Her opinions and complexity are also never really considered; which is not unexpected, of course. Ellen is a Tragic Madwoman - it's Ophelia, all over again. If you recall, when Hamlet appears mad, the people around him assume there is more to it than his father's death; but when Ophelia does, everybody chalks it up to her father's murder, and nothing else. With all that said, what I personally love about Ellen is that, despite whatever shame she might feel around the subject, or her efforts to be proper, she always knows exactly what she wants. In part, that's what makes her married life so tragic - she keeps reaching out to Thomas, offering him these vulnerable aspects of herself, as well as an opportunity to understand her and connect with her; and she is met with one rejection after another. Still, she cannot ignore what she is - and her choosing Orlok in the end is symbolic of her deciding to "deceive" herself no longer.

Thomas, by contrast, is playing mind games with himself. In theory, he could be submissive. If he indulged that potential within himself, it could be a way for them to connect - considering Ellen's inclinations; however, he sees this aspect of himself as weak, emasculating, shameful, and thus never explores it - except by force, as per the usual gothic exploration of shame/desire, which muddles the waters in that regard. Much of the way he treats Ellen is rooted in the patriarchal rules he cannot bring himself to abandon, since doing so threatens his own sense of masculinity - and, by extension, dignity and self-worth. As such, whenever faced with a situation that might prompt him to be soft, emotional, or worshipful of her, he overcorrects instead. He is afraid of Ellen's perceived "abnormality" because of what it might mean for him. Additionally, he is fairly obviously queercoded, in a classic vampire-genre way; which, in my opinion, is yet another reason they just don't quite seem to click. Whatever he might want out of a sexual relationship, he doesn't really want it with Ellen - and, of course, given his homophobic society, that just piles on more shame, emasculation, and repression. This is why, after their one depicted sexual scene, when she laments her "uncleanliness," he cannot reassure her, no matter how he tries. He cannot accept the "abnormal" aspects of her, because the way he sees her is always affected by the way he sees himself - through a lens of misogyny, queerphobia, and horror. His care for her is therefore largely superficial; he does not know her.

All in all, I am obsessed with this aspect of their failmarriage. They're both so lonely and so desperate for companionship; but neither of them is getting what they want. Not with each other.

[getaandlucius]

A brief taste of Honey (Geta x Lucius) 18+

Summary: Before Geta gets on a ship to Sardinia to visit his uncle, he and Lucius spend time together and have some deep talks and intimate bonding time.

Previous parts: part 1, part 2, part 3, Part 4, Part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9

Authers note: For all the anxious souls sending me messages about Dondus and Caracalla: I did not forget about them but I must ask you to have patience please :) All will be clear in the end!

Warnings (contains spoilers): 18+ MDNI, childhoodtrauma, mentioning of inc*st in the past, loads of fluff and heavy smutt, you are warned.

"I... I have to tell you something." Geta propped himself up on his elbows, the book now resting face-down on his chest. He yawned, clearly not thinking much of it. "What is it?"

Lucius swallowed, contemplating if he could retreat and offer a half-truth instead. But there was no use. "There is a growing opposition to my rule... in your name. People in the northern provinces are dissatisfied with the new ways, clinging to how it was before." Lucius searched Geta's face, but it remained blank. He cleared his throat. "It's most likely led by someone in the old senate, dissatisfied with his current position and lack of influence—and wealth."

Geta frowned. "Do you know who?"

"No. No names yet."

"Mmm. Interesting."

"What do you mean?" Geta looked at him with a pensive expression. "I... I don't know what you want me to say." Geta's voice sounded drained, completely disinterested in the conversation. Annoyed, almost. Lucius shook his head in confusion. "I guess I thought... we thought it was best you heard it from me." He sat up, all passion and warmth draining from the room like the tide receding from the shore. "I suppose I am... curious how you feel about it." Lucius looked at his hands, feeling awkward. So much had changed. When they first talked in his study months ago, he couldn't have cared less about Geta's thoughts. Geta sighed and sank back into the cushions. "I don't know, Lucius." He looked up at the ceiling. "I don't know." Lucius lay down next to him on his side, head propped up on his elbow. He glanced at Geta's hand spread out over the cover of the book, hiding the painted sea creatures from view.

"I'm too tired to put my thoughts into words properly right now, but..." Geta put the book next to him and turned on his side. "If you're worried that I want to join those troops and turn my back on you, the answer is no." Lucius looked at him, searching his eyes. “Okay.” He nodded and turned on his back. “We can talk about it tomorrow. It’s late.”

Geta didn’t reply for a long time, then started speaking again.

"When my brother and I ruled, we rarely slept a full night," he explained. He seemed sleepy, and Lucius felt a little guilty for having brought it up at 2 in the morning.

"There was always the danger of being murdered in our sleep. We knew the stories, how our uncles, cousins, and nieces suddenly disappeared or turned up dead. We kept watch, taking turns to sleep—well, I more often than Caracalla..." He smiled faintly, as if recalling a specific memory. "For me, being in that position was never about power because we never truly had any. We were manipulated, forced into symbolic roles from birth. Ruling, for me, was simply waiting for death and who would betray us first." "But you're not safe here either." Lucius placed his hand over the scar on Geta’s midriff. "You were attacked here too." Geta nodded slowly, an intense gaze in his beautiful brown eyes. "But not by my own people," he said. His eyes swept over Lucius' face, softening. "It's a big difference." He added, placing a hand on Lucius's cheek, thumb sliding over his bottom lip. "Remember how you wanted to put me on trial a few months back?" he asked. "I do." His eyes left Lucius's mouth. "I don't mind being beneath you in rank," he said. "But I do want you to treat me as an equal. Don't force me to stay or do things I don't want to do. Freedom is most important to me." Lucius nodded. "I know." "Good." Geta let his hand drop down on the sheets. "Did I answer your question?" "Yes, you did. Thank you." Geta yawned. "Can we sleep now?" Lucius turned on his back. "Yes." Geta came closer and lay down on his chest. Lucius took the sheet and pulled it over both their bodies, then slid his fingers into the soft curls on the back of his scalp, scratching gently until Geta fell asleep.

Lucius stirred awake as sunlight streamed through the window, casting a warm glow across the room. It had been a strange night—Geta had been restless, mumbling in his sleep and tossing about, keeping Lucius awake. As he waited for him to wake, Lucius decided it was time to ask him the question he'd been meaning to for a while. "What happened with you and your mother?" Lucius asked when Geta was awake for long enough to stretch and open his eyes fully. "What do you mean?" "You talk to her, in your sleep. Often." Lucius explained. "Oh." Geta rubbed his eyes. "She, uh..." He stretched his arms over his head, groaning softly, then turned on his side to look Lucius in the eyes. "She was hard to be around, I suppose." "What do you mean?" "She was kind of all over the place." Geta waved with his hand. "She was either cruel... calling us names, pushing us away, ignoring us..." He frowned, clearly uneasy delving into those memories. "Or she would be too... sweet." "Too sweet?" "Yes." Geta didn’t say anything for a long while, just stared into the distance, brow furrowed and jaw tense. "She could turn into the complete opposite in a matter of minutes," he continued, "often after she would have hurt us badly." Geta looked away. "She would say sweet things and be very... touchy." Lucius felt nauseous, already sensing where this was headed. "You mean..." "Yes. All over," Geta replied curtly. "Even if you said no?" It was more a statement than a question. Geta nodded, tears pooling in his eyes now. "I am so sorry." Lucius swallowed, immediately regretting that he had asked. "You don't have to talk about it." Geta sniffled softly and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Lucius didn’t know what to do, thought that maybe the last thing Geta wanted now was to be held. So he just stayed silent. After a while of watching him cry into the pillow, he couldn’t take it anymore and pulled him into his arms. "Shh," he whispered, holding him close. "That’s all in the past. I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again." He kept stroking Geta’s back and shoulders, wishing he had been there to protect him and his brother Caracalla from the terrible people around them, giving them a better childhood. When Geta calmed down, he lifted his head from the crook of Lucius’s neck. "You know... I often wished your mother was mine." He looked up at Lucius. "That she would adopt us." Lucius raised his eyebrows. Geta shook his head, resting his cheek against Lucius’s shoulder again. "It’s weird. I’ve known her longer than you." Lucius frowned, staring ahead. "It is." "She was kind. And warm." Lucius nodded, thinking of his mother and how strange it was that, for part of their childhoods, they had shared the same one. "Do you miss her?" Geta inquired softly. "Terribly so." "I'm sorry. I miss her too." Lucius nodded. They stayed like that, their breaths in sync, keeping each other company in their sadness. After a while, Lucius suggested, "We should have something to eat and then head to the beach. What do you think? I feel like going for a swim." "That sounds like a splendid idea," Geta agreed, pushing himself up.

After getting dressed, they had breakfast together and headed to the beach to spend the afternoon and evening there. It was a warm day, and when they arrived, covered in a thin layer of sweat, the sea offered a welcome plunge of freshness. They dove underwater, the clear water surrounding them, and Lucius felt content. He looked at Geta’s skin, which was beginning to turn slightly sun-kissed. No matter what he had been through, Geta somehow maintained that elegant, prince-like essence and radiant air. Lucius reached out and grabbed his ankle, giving it a gentle tug. Geta, accustomed to Lucius’s ways, let him do it, calmly allowing him to press his lips against the soft ball of his foot and toes. There was no tension, only simple surrender and trust. They surfaced for air, clinging to each other as if they could never get enough—which, truthfully, they couldn’t.

The next day, they resumed their fighting lessons, and the day after that as well. Two weeks passed, and Geta began to develop new muscles in his arms and back. They had started sleeping in separate rooms again to avoid drawing attention to their bond, but it seemed futile. Everyone already knew that if one of them were taken, the other would be broken beyond repair.

Some mornings, one of them would sneak into the other’s room to spend time wrapped in each other’s arms.

"I hate that I can't sleep here anymore," Geta said one morning when Lucius had to leave for battle. "I hate it too," Lucius confessed. Geta buried his head in the crook of Lucius’s armpit. "What on earth are you doing?" Lucius asked with a chuckle. "I like it here. You smell nice." He wrapped his arms around Lucius’s waist. "When will you return?" "In a week or so. Just some small raids and checking the repaired forts." "Okay."

A week later, Lucius returned bearing new scars and the good news of victory. Geta waited for him by the gate, his eyes bright with excitement but keeping his distance. He had grown used to the unspoken rules of how they now interacted in public.

As they walked inside, a young man with blond hair and dark blue eyes, whom Lucius did not recognize, approached them. "Geta?" the young man called out. Lucius took him in. He wore a finely made tunic of deep blue material, matching his eyes, decorated with silver fish. It was clear he was of higher rank, though his accent was hard to place. Geta raised an eyebrow. "Yes?" The man cleared his throat. "I have a message for you. From your uncle." He handed him a letter sealed with beeswax. Geta accepted it. "Thank you." Lucius observed as Geta broke the seal and opened the letter. The tension in his shoulders, the way he clenched his jaw—it was clear he wanted nothing to do with it. The message was short, and seconds later, Geta folded the paper and handed it over. "Alright," he replied in a serious tone. "I'll make sure I'm ready in the morning." Lucius frowned. Ready in the morning? He was leaving so soon? "Perfect, my highness. I will wait at the shore." Highness? Lucius thought to himself. That's how he still referred to him? Geta gave a short nod, and the young man disappeared as quickly as he had come.

Lucius and Geta went their separate ways in the halls and prepared for the festivities held in the garden. Lucius felt a slight unease at the thought of Geta leaving the following morning but couldn't place what exactly made him nervous. They found each other outside as the light faded, torches illuminating the pillars and olive trees stretching throughout the garden. Geta was dressed in white and buttercup yellow, one bare shoulder showing his scar. It pleased Lucius that he was starting to accept them, but it also worried him as it was a display of vulnerability. They stared at each other for a bit, not saying anything. Lucius wanted to speak to him before his departure but decided to save it for later and went to look for Laurentius and Marcus to discuss the events of the past week as Geta went looking for Marcella.

Almost an hour later, they reunited near the fountain. "How are you feeling?" Lucius asked, taking Geta's hand and giving it a soft squeeze. "You alright?" "Yes, I'm alright." Geta erplied, "Dreading it, but alright." "You'll be fine. You’ll have some nice, fancy dinners... eat some Sardinian fish, talk to your uncle a bit, and then you'll return home. To me," Lucius reassured him. Geta smiled. "Sounds good." Lucius desperately wanted to ask what precisely was in the message to make Geta agree so fast, but didn’t want to pry, so he let it be. "I should get some sleep," Geta decided, looking around the garden at the guests drinking wine and dancing. Nobody was paying attention to them. "You can stay of course." Lucius rubbed the inside of Geta's wrist with his thumb, wanting to understand what was going on in his mind. "Alright." He pressed a swift kiss on top of his head. "I'll walk you to the harbor tomorrow." Geta breathed in. "I'd like that."

That night, Lucius lay down on his bed, unclothed. It was too hot for even the thinnest of night garments. He was deep in thought, feeling pathetic over how sad he was about Geta's impending departure, reminding himself that it was only for a week or two. Then suddenly, he heard soft voices on the other side of the door. He got dressed quickly, walked over, and pressed his ear against the wood. His guards were talking to someone. Lucius strained his ears, then shook his head.

It was Geta.

He opened the door and took him in. He was standing there in his blue nightrobe, hair disheveled and a look in his eyes Lucius could not place. Lucius gestured with his head for him to come inside, and Geta immediately walked forward and pressed his lips to his. Lucius kicked the door closed.

"It's dangerous, what you're doing, Geta," he murmured. "I don't care," Geta insisted and kept kissing him all over. "What is with you?" Lucius grinned. "I don't know." Geta bit down on Lucius’s bottom lip, making him wince. "I feel weird." "Nervous?" "Something like it." "Want me to distract you?" Lucius requested between kisses, already feeling heat pooling low in his stomach. "Yes, please." Lucius groaned softly. "Okay." He pulled back and sat down on the edge of his bed, gesturing to the middle of the room. "Undress," he ordered.

Geta's eyes widened slightly, then the corner of his mouth tipped up slightly.

Lucius stretched his legs out in front of him, crossing his ankles. "I want to look at you." Geta walked over to the spot Lucius pointed at and started untying his robe, pushing it down his shoulders, down his chest, his waist, his hips...

Lucius swallowed, leaning back on his hands. He could never get enought of the sight of Geta's naked form, the way he moved— unselfconscious, confident and utterly captivating. Geta stepped out of the fabric and straightened, a hint of shyness suddenly returning, cheeks flushing pink.

“You’re staring,” he said softly, though the smile tugging at his lips betrayed that he didn’t mind.

“I can’t help it,” Lucius admitted, standing and closing the space between them. "I can never help it." He reached out, placing a hand on the side of his hip.

"Turn around." Lucius ordered gently and then tapped the inside of Geta's foot. 'Spread sligtly.' Geta stepped wider. Lucius walked around him and went to his knees, put a hand on his lower back to push him forward a little.

'Let me take care of you." His voice was soft. He reached out to take Geta's hands and put them on either side of his butt. "Spread please."

Geta whined at the sound of that and did as his was told, opening himself up.

Lucius moved closer and stuck out his tongue, licking inbetween the valley of his cheeks from the bottem to the top.

Geta let out a gutteral moan, wanting to collapse forward.

'Nuh-uh, stay upright darling." Lucius demanded and wrapped his hand around Geta's thighs to steady him. He licked him again, closer and closer to where he wanted him most, then pressed in slightly.

"Relax." He mumbled, pushing deeper. Geta's breathing turned laboured. He kept wriggling and shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

Lucius squeezed his inner thigh, massaging upward. Geta's breath hitched, making Lucius chuckle.

Geta whimpered. "Please."

"Mmm." Lucius kept licking, reveling in the way he felt, tasted, the sounds he made. Geta's hand came to lay on top of Lucius, a plea for more.

Lucius pulled back a litlle. "Okay lay down on the bed."

Geta got up, using Lucius shoulder to steady himself and walked over, then lay down stretched out on his back.

Lucius shook his head. "No on your tummy."

Geta did as he was told and Lucius lowered himself inbetween his legs. "I am going to put a finger inside of you. Is that okay?"

"Yes." Geta breathed.

Lucius bent over the slope of his ass and spit, wachting the saliva disappear in the crease. He licked his ringfinger, slipped it inbetween, and started rubbing small circles. Then he pushed it in slightly, fully tuned in to Geta's reactions.

"Is this okay?" He asked.

Geta nodded.

"I need your consent in words, sweetheart."

"Yes." Geta groaned in the pillow.

"Good." Lucius pushed in deeper, waiting for Geta to adjust before he pushed it in in it's entirety. He stayed there for a moment, pushed to the hilt, before slowly moving it in and out while gaging Geta's reactions. Geta started grinding his hips against the sheet slowly, face still burried in the pillow.

"I need more." he ground out, teeth clenched, desperate.

Lucius tried adding his middlefinger. "You're too tight honey." He rubbed his hand over his lower back. "You need time to adjust. No use in rushing."

"You dont know what my uncle will do to me." Geta whined. "He might kill me."

"No he wont." Lucius said. "You will come back and we will do much more of this." Lucius kissed the left cheek of his ass, then bit into him, soothing the sting after with tongue. "Now think of other things and close your eyes." Lucius replaced his ringfinger with his middle one, which made Geta gasp for air like a fish on dry land.

He kept grinding against the sheets, desperate for fricture. Lucius loved seeing him this desperate. When he felt Geta was reaching his limit he pulled his finger out, flipped him over. Geta was breathless, eyes closed, somewhere else completely.

"You don't have to hold on Geta." Lucius said, then stroked the length of him. Even the slightest touches made his face contort like he was in pain almost. "You can let go, I am right here. I will hold you thought it." He pressed his lips against his lower belly, then licked his finger and pushed it in again. "You are safe." He ghosted his lips over his skin. "With me, you’ll always be safe."

These words pushed Geta over the edge and he came making a desperate sound, spilling all over his belly. Lucius took him in, the way his hands clenched around the linen, the way his hips came off the mattress, then down again. He wished he could stay in this moment forever. He moved his lips down the inner part of Geta's legs listening how Geta's breathing slowly came back to normal and his eyes fluttered open.

Lucius, still clothed, took him in his arms and held him untill he was fully aware of his surroundings again. He brushed a stray lock of hair from Geta’s forehead.

"Are you ready to sleep?" He asked. "You have a long journey ahead of you tomorrow. Geta looked at him, cheeks still flushed and shook his head.

"No." He took in a sharp breath. "I want to see you touch youself." His voice was low and sensual, full of longing. "I have thought about it for so long. I want to see you now."

Lucius swallowed. He looked around the room, feeling uncertain. No one had ever watched him do that. Not even Arishat. He looked at Geta who looked at him with eyes full of expextation. Lucius gave a quick nod and got up from the bed. He took a few steps, turned around and slowly started to undress himself. When he was fully naked he sat down on his knees again and took himself in his right hand. At first he kept his eyes closed, but then he opened them. Geta was lying on the bed, propped up on his elbows, lips wet and slightly parted. His legs were stretched out in front of him, feet dangling over the edge. Geta looked at him intently, following every move.

"You have no idea how beautiful you are." Geta said, eyes almost sad.

Lucius kept his eyes on him as he started moving his hand up and down, skin warming. Geta's chest was rising and falling quicker and quicker until suddenly he got up and walked over to him. He lowered himself in front of Lucius. His hand went to his jaw and he stroked the seem of Lucius lips, just as he had done before.

'Can I spit in your mouth?' he asked then, as if it was the most natural thing.

Lucius swallowed and nodded.

"Don't stop touching yourself please.' Geta whispered as he got closer and smoothed the hair from Lucius' face.

'Now open your mouth.'

Lucius did as he was told and parted his lips.

Instead of spitting, Geta opened his mouth and waited as his saliva dribbled in. Lucius groaned and swallowed, reaching up to lick the rest off his bottomlip and tongue, drinking him in. He wanted more more more.

Geta shook his head and pushed him down.

'No." He shook his head again, a grin playing on his lips. "Keep touching yourself. I want to see you come."

Lucius did not know why he listened. He was way stronger than Geta, he could do anything he wanted to him. Yet he reveled in Geta's power and prince-like arrogance. He was royalty at heart after all.

Lucius quickened his movements, jerking his hips slightly upward into his hand.

He was getting close now, and Geta could sense it. He walked behind him and sat down, chest pressed up against his warm back. He dropped his chin on Lucius shoulder.

'Here. Let me finish.' He gently pulled Lucius' hand away and replaced it with his. Lucius whimpered and let his head drop backwards. Geta started moving his hand in the same rhythm and pressed his lips against his ear.

''Let go.' Geta whispered. "Let me take care of you now."

Lucius groaned softly and tried to hold back, but he was defensless against Geta's soft but firm grip, his low whispers and his hips pressing up against his backside.

"Come for me, Lucius. It's okay."

And he did. His awareness slipped for a moment and all he felt was warmth, light and bliss. He felt both extatic, and completely held. Geta kissed his neck, hands rubbing over his chest and lower abdomen.

"Feels nice hmm?" Geta breathed into the skin of his neck.

Lucius was unable to reply, everything felt warm and fuzzy. He had never in his life let himself go like that. He wondered if he should feel emberrassed.

Geta traced the outer shell of his ear with his tongue. "Thank you." He murmured. "Thank you for letting me look at you and touch you."

Lucius felt a little lost in everything he felt and could not place. He turned around and took Geta into his arms. I love you. He thought. But he did not say it. I love you felt like a goodbye. Like it was the last time he'd be able to say it. And that couldn't be. So instead he said: "Let's try to get some sleep."

Geta nodded against his shoulder. "Yes."

----

The next morning, Lucius walked Geta to the harbor.

The water was emerald green and shimmered under the summer sun. It was a beautiful day, but neither of them cared.

A small ship waited close to shore, with a smaller boat ready to take Geta to it. The blonde man stood by the water’s edge, waves almost touching his boots. Lucius wanted to kiss Geta goodbye, but he knew better. He didn’t trust the young man, nor the fishermen milling around nearby.

Geta pulled Lucius into a tight hug, burying his face in his shoulder.

“We have to say goodbye far too often,” Geta said, his voice low. “I’m starting to hate it more than anything.”

Lucius pressed him closer, his chest aching. “I know.”

Geta pulled away first, his eyes dropping to the ground. He rubbed the back of his neck, then glanced at the boat waiting for him.

“I guess it’s time,” he said with a sigh.

Lucius Squeezed his shoulder. “It’ll be okay. You’ll be back before you know it.”

Geta managed a weak smile. “I’ll look forward to it.”

He hesitated, then met Lucius’s eyes. “Last night was special to me Lucius." His eyes searched Lucius's, looking for confirmation perhaps that he felt the same.

Lucius swallowed, feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden. “As it was to me.”

They stood there in silence, caught in the weight of the moment. Lucius noticed the blonde man watching them from the corner of his eye and sighed. “You better go.”

Geta nodded, his steps reluctant as he walked toward the boat. “See you soon.”

Lucius dipped his chin in agreement. “See you soon,”

Please let me hear your thought in the comments :) <3

Taglist: @potato1d-blog1 , @joan2914, @maryan028

[minijenn]

That feel when you spend the past several days drawing for a forgotten niche AU you created years ago that you've just been having severe brainrot for lately and you have to get it out of your system somehow so you just... draw.

Anyway, Thorn in the Gut AU! Perhaps the most angsty little AU my brain ever did create back in the old UF days, I'm still quite fond of it. Its just chock full of drama, conflict, existential crisises, all that good stuff! And so, for those of you not in the know, here's a whole dump of info about it to go along with the art! (copied most of this from Discord so excuse any wierd formatting)

The basic gist of Thorn in the Gut spawns out of RMD (Rifts/Memories/Dimensions) and basically starts when Bill lands a practically fatal blow on Stepper (instead of cracking his Gem) and Steven, realizing both he and Dipper won't survive this, essentially "poofs" (lets his physical body disappear) and sacrifices his gem over to Dipper to keep him alive. Anyway, Dipper winds up back in Gravity Falls alone, much to the alarm and anger of the Crystal Gems especially when they realize Steven is basically dead (not them blaming a literal child who had no say in any of this). From there, the following ensues:

The Gems are A Wreck but they are still deeply attached to that gemstone (because of Steven and because of Rose) and they really don't know how to interact with Dipper now as a result; eventually, they force him to move up to the temple because he very quickly starts showing he has Steven's powers now but he can't control them because he is also A Wreck with survivor's guilt and grief over losing his boyfriend (did I mention this AU is Stedip? Well its Stedip) and his heavy emotions are making them wonky

They also watch him like a hawk because they think Steven could somehow return at any moment; they're also just like, hella impersonal with him; basically any sort of warmth or goodwill they had toward him has completely evaporated and they just view him as "the reason why steven is gone"

Garnet probably just... never talks to him like ever. Pearl is a sobbing wreck but is also surprisingly the most sympathetic towards Dipper out of the Gems (bc she knows about Rose and Bill's history to a certain extent and also knows thats at least in part why Bill attacked Stepper so viciously and why all this happened in the first place). Amethyst is just mad and probably prone to verbally lashing out at Dipper in frustration the most.

Stan and Ford are Fighting obvs bc Ford thinks Dipper staying with the Gems is for the best (also not Ford also kind of lowkey starting to negate his own nephew as a "fascinating breakthrough discovery" because of how scientifically impossible what's happened to him should be; Stan, meanwhile, is furious at how both Ford and the gems are acting, he's one of the few people still entirely in Dipper's coner, along with...

Mabel, who while mourning Steven herself wants to be there for her brother so badly but can't be because the Gems and Ford won't let her be, claiming that its for her own safety when really its just to keep her out of the way of a very delicate situation; even so, the twins still try to see each other as much as they can and comfort each other however possible (potential eventual fusion between the two?? maybe)

Connie is fucking mad, mad that Steven would sacrifice himself like this, mad that he'd sacrifice himself for Dipper, mad that Steven is gone and she can't do a damn thing about it. As a result, she distances herself from both the Pines and the Gems for a good long time to grieve on her own (but even after she comes back around, things remain hella tense between her and Dipper)

Other characters: Lapis is fuckin squicked the fuck out by what's happened here, because something something its comparable to permenant fusion, but even so she tries her best to support Dipper even though its difficult for her; Peridot is kind of lost in the shuffle of all this, like Mabel, so I feel like that's where she's lending most of her support; Pacifica? ehhh I mean this AU works under the assumption that Stedip is kind of the only currently canon MK ship so she probs wouldn't have much to do here 😛

Fucking forgot to talk about Dipper himself you know like he aint the damn focus character; so he's in Shambles, emotionally distraught for a number of reasons; his boyfriend is gone and he can only speak to him in his dreams (and those dreams are usually sweet… until one certain triangle starts showing up in them); amidst still reeling from losing Steven, the way the others are all treating him leads him into an existential crisis, because to the Gems, he's Steven, he's Rose, to Ford, he's an experiment, to Bill, he's an obstacle in the way of a prize, to the diamonds (if this continued on into UF2 which it could), he's Pink, and with all that in mind he truly starts to wonder if there's anything really left of Dipper at all

And the bad guys; Bill is furious, obvs. it doesn't take him long to start showing up during Steven and Dipper's little dream chats, causing all sorts of chaos and being just a general bastard all around; but he wants that gem, he has a deal with White to make good on after all, and he's determined to do whatever it takes to get it, even if he has to guilt trip Dipper into ripping it out of his stomach himself (which may or may not happen); as for the Diamonds I mean they'd probably just think this is "Pink" playing another one of their silly games, like they think about Steven so not a ton changes on that front? (even still, I summed up that this boy is in Danger in the span of time that would be UF2 in that one art)

Oh and of course, Steven's status. He is… aliveish? Of course, he doesn't have a physical body anymore, kind of gave that up entirely when he "poofed" bc he's half human. At first he's only able to communicate solely to Dipper through his dreams (and like Stan and Mabel, Steven is completely in Dipper's corner and is fucking mad as hell about how the Gems are acting towards him). And eventually, he makes that frustration known by using his possion powers to take control of Dipper (which Dipper allows, god who cares about past trauma, anything to make the Gems see reason) to tell the Gems off, but he isn't able to do that for very long or very frequently. I'd like to think Dipper can also sometimes "hear" Steven speaking to him through his thoughts when he's awake too. Basically, Steven is always with him ^_^

After getting steven's gem, Dipper maintains Stepper's hair color and skin hue :3 and he also starts wearing Steven's shirts bc fuckin gay grief compells him to wear his BF's clothes and then the Gems, fucking freaks that they are are like "nah you should keep wearing them" even when he doesn't want to anymore. Oh! and another thing, Dipper doesn't see himself when he sees his reflection in the mirror, he sees Stepper (represented in the art).

Since Dipper has to stay in Gravity Falls (because how the hell is he able to leave with all of these newfound manifesting magical powers), Mabel ends up going back home alone with a spare memory gun Ford gives her in tow. She remorsefully uses it to erase Aaron and Allison's memories of Dipper so they won't ask questions she isn't able to give answers to :3 Also, Dipper is unaware that this happens until some point in UF2 when Mabel breaks down and tells him. Suffice to say it basically ruins whatever is left of his relationship with Ford (not that it was good at that point anyway because well, Ford is basically using him as a lab rat)

Basically, without Steven around, most of the cast is just... fucking not acting right bc steven was basically their moral compass so they figure why even try anymore without him around (the gems and hell even dipper included, he makes some pretty questionable decisions in this AU himself)

Just, its all about identity, really, about how the way others around you treat you can impact how you view yourself for better or worse (in this case, worse); it's about loss of agency and how grief can drive people to act in some... pretty terrible ways.

Anyway yeah that's a Lot but its my current obsession in the In Between time of S1 and S2 and I figured I need to chase my bliss (bc how else will I cope with The Horrors if I don't put my favorite blorbos through Horrors of their own. Expect something to be written from this AU... eventually idk man probs not anytime in the immediate future tho lol it's just a silly fun little side thing. Anyway enjoy the Pain! ^_^

[the-clock-of-the-time-dragon]

Man, for someone who keeps invoking media literacy, you sure seem to be struggling with accurately addressing the points that I've been making.

1) He is good at lying to people about who he is, all while being able to make himself likable 2) He is secretly unhappy and has been thinking about the day with the Lion Cub a lot

Here's part of where I think we fundamentally disagree: I don't think he's much of a liar tbh. He doesn't care enough to lie. If anything, he seems almost incapable of it at times. He has coping mechanisms — namely: telling himself (and others) that even though life is pointless, that's actually awesome because you can do whatever you want and not have to worry about anything — and one could, I suppose, argue that he's lying to himself in that sense? But he does clearly WANT to believe it, and acts accordingly. True, Elphaba sees discontent within him and assumes he must be hiding some inner depth (because how can he possibly be unhappy if he's empty inside?? selfish and shallow people don't feel bad about stuff or help others!), but I think his later actions actually show how shallowness can sometimes have its own kind of depth, and selfishness can have its own kind of beneficence. I'm aware this isn't intuitive or prima facie stuff — that's why I posted an analysis about it.

I think it’s a much more plausible headcanon that he has always been working as a double agent than your headcanon that he’s decided instead to randomly embrace being a fascist.

Honey, here's the thing: contrary to what you suggest, mine is not a headcanon in this case. At all. He became a fascist soldier. All ulterior motives (speculative or not) aside: that is simply what he did. It's text. I never said he "embraced" it in the sense that he liked it. It's directly stated that he doesn't like his situation. But that didn't stop him from quite literally choosing to be in that situation. Sucking up whatever other feelings he has and doing it anyway.

Maybe it’s hard to “reconcile the compassionate boy we saw in the woods with a fascist commander” because he isn’t one?

Except he literally is. That is what he became. Your insistence that he worked his way through the ranks of a fascist military without ever doing any of the actions that make someone fascist is beyond belief. Like obviously I understand that your contention here is that he didn't "become" a fascist on an ideological level. He just went through the motions without internalizing or identifying with the fascists' ideas. But I'm afraid plenty of German (or hell, Confederate) soldiers were "just fighting for their loved ones" and "didn't actually believe in all that stuff": but they fought anyway. And they fought on the wrong side, and did the things that came to define what we think of when we talk about their regimes. You are doing exercises in idealization. Becoming a fascist is as much (or more) about physically carrying out the acts of fascism as it is about adhering to what it proposes. Rejecting the latter does not erase the former.

Maybe if you “read by sheer text; on the actions and statements on the page” you’d realise that his actions in act one don’t make sense in act two if you read him as part of the regime?

He. Is. Part. Of. The. Regime. You don't get to say he was somehow set apart on some abstract level from the force that he commanded. Good Lord.

My point about the challenge of reconciling Fiyero between Act I and Act II was not "wow, this doesn't make sense, he must have changed so drastically!!!" I literally explained my point. He hardly changed at all — and that's interesting. The ways in which he did change are equally interesting — because they aren't positive, contrary to what one may usually expect from a character arc of a male lead in a fantasy story. In most such stories the male lead confronts his flaws and he either overcomes them or makes peace with them. Fiyero does neither — which is completely in character and honestly a perfect and natural evolution from where he began — and from a writing perspective I absolutely love it, lol

Oh sorry, Fiyero should have just gone down to the resistance job shop and got a top post there!

I know this is tongue-in-cheek, but the fact your unironic insinuation underneath it appears to be that... *checks notes* rebellions do not have job openings for charismatic men of action...??? Where were you going with this??? lol

The resistance that, as far as we know, basically doesn’t exist, as it doesn’t seem like Elphaba has got much help either (we know there’s rebel Animals that shelter her, but she’s also at the point where she tries to beg her father for help and seriously considers just giving up and joining the Wizard).

Hon... has it occurred to you that by the time we get to Act II... the rebels are fringe and weak because they've been repressed for years by the forces Fiyero volunteered in? Like, we are TOLD that there are rebels. That's a fact. We know that one of the primary activities of the Gale Force is violent repression against Animals. Come on. You're good at extrapolation. Put two and two together here.

But in all seriousness: no movement? Start one then. If it's really that deep. Sounds like a skill issue to me.

Someone has to do this job, if it’s not Fiyero it’s someone a lot worse. We know Fiyero has compassion for Animals, we know Fiyero wants to protect Elphaba (we literally see him doing so three times in act 2). If Fiyero places himself in command, however grim it might be, he now has some degree of control over Oz’s army and how much damage they can do to the Animals and Elphaba.

The damage has been done though. On his watch. To some extent on his ORDERS even. The Animals are all but erased from Oz. Elphaba is so deep in hiding that Fiyero, with all the resources at his command, hunting her desperately, still turns up nothing every time. "Someone has to do this job", when the job is fascism, is not a defense. In fact, "I was just doing my job" is a very well-known and infamously horrible non-defense particular to this exact context. It'd be a better overall argument if him being captain instead of someone else had actually made some objective difference to the end results, but we don't see that. Like I guess you could really stretch things and credit Fiyero for there still being a small holdout of rebel Animals around at all?? Like maybe if he hadn't been there, they'd have been dealt with a bit more aggressively or something? But that seems like a pretty meager end to try and justify his means.

It wasn’t planned that he’d meet her in the throne room, no, but it certainly was planned, by putting himself as the head of the search for the Witch, that if she was found in a dangerous situation he could get her out of it. He manages to get all his guards away and for her to escape safely, he couldn’t have done this if he’d been in any other position.

And he couldn't have achieved anything comparable in ANY other way besides doing fascism? Really?

Imagine, if you will, an alternate scenario: Fiyero doesn't join the Gale Force, and instead joins with the rebellion. Elphaba finds him. They're working together to save Animals again, like old times. They do stuff together and they have each other's backs if either one is caught in a tough spot. Fiyero never gets engaged to Glinda. Is that not a MUCH less convoluted, far more sensible plan? The fact that all explanations for why Fiyero chose anything OTHER than that seem to boil down to weird borderline fascist apologia, is how I know my points are valid.

you told me him being in the Gale Force achieved nothing, it saved Elphaba’s life and allowed the ending to happen.

The logic here is just... Okay. Hon. If he. Had chosen. Something else. The sequence. Of events. Would be. Radically different. And Elphaba. Would not. Have been. In the. Situation that. You give. Him credit. For saving. Her from. At all.

If you joined the Mafia "to protect your family", and then your cousin follows you into a meeting one day and almost gets shot, but you stepped in and stopped it, that doesn't somehow mean things went according to your plan; you only "protected" them from a scenario they would never otherwise have been in had it not been for you, lol

Even her sad verse in Thank Goodness imply she joined because she wanted it (and only later found out it wasn’t quite how she planned).

And y'know a very particular way it wasn't like how she'd planned? She didn't plan on getting it as part of her abuse. Being showered with nice things is a well-known abuse tactic, because it's enticing and allows the abuser to insinuate that their victim was consenting and enthusiastic about what happened to them. There's more to it, absolutely — Glinda is perhaps the most complicated character in the show — but the fact you insist on victim-blaming over and over is... wow.

No one was going to imprison her,

The guards physically detained her and Elphaba had to break the laws of fucking physics to get them to let go, wtf are you talking about, lmfao

there’s literally no reason at all to enslave her,

Except that she's the closest person in the world to their new Public Enemy #1, and can be leveraged in about a million different ways in their favor. Glinda has intel. Elphaba might have been tempted to try and come back and get her. She's a perfect bargaining chip in case Elphaba got too aggressive too: the Witch might back off if Glinda's life were threatened. And, as the Wizard quickly discovers: Glinda is really likable and sociable and boosts morale wherever she goes. So they made her theirs, and dulled her pain by trying to appease and cater to her in every superficial way available. This is Abuse 101, hon.

But ok, let’s take your “enslavement” fantasy scenario. Fiyero is literally the next candidate for Morrible to “enslave”, she knows he and Elphaba were at least tentative friends, she might even have realised he was also absent after the day with the Lion Cub, he’s dating Glinda and his royal connections and fame and likeability make him a useful asset. If Morrible really is blackmailing people to join her on trumped up charges, it would be very easy for her to either use the Lion Cub situation to blackmail into it, or threaten to hurt Glinda if he does not.

"Fantasy"... jfc dude, lol

Fiyero wasn't literally in the palace in the clutches of the guards as a perceived accomplice to the Witch at the end of Act I. The situations are apples and oranges.

Tbh as far as we know, Fiyero didn't really know a ton about Elphaba to begin with; certainly no specific useful intel. There's no reason to think Morrible ever put two and two together vis-à-vis the cub — a slacker student like Fiyero being absent from class isn't weird. And even if for some reason she did get suspicious enough to press the matter, there's so little she'd have to go off of that he could literally just say he ducked out when the whole class started spasming, and that's pretty much that. And yeah sure he's "dating" Glinda, and may under the right circumstances be manipulable if she got threatened: but let's not forget this is also the dude who abandoned her the very first chance he got, and then pointed a gun at her as a bluff without a second thought. He doesn't care enough about Glinda for that to be really leverageable, and it's not like Morrible wouldn't know that: his unenthusiastic response at their engagement announcement would tell her, if nothing else had by that point.

But then... Fiyero didn't ever need to be coerced to become what he became. He volunteered. Glinda was caught in the attic and knew a certain regime-delegitimizing, worldview-shattering secret — I fail to see how there is any scenario you can seriously propose in which the Wizard letting her go with that knowledge, with her closeness to Elphaba, etc., could even be halfway tenable from the Wizard's perspective. It actually defies belief that you can misread her situation as badly as you are.

This is headcanon.

Nah. He literally sang two separates songs about it. Dancing Through Life's whole thing is "nihilism rocks because you can just do stuff and never worry about it", and his part in So Long As You're Mine has him going "I don't care about anything except acting on our desires in this fleeting moment". I don't need to headcanon anything to simply point out that those sentiments are neither deep nor considerate (and, as I have said: don't have to be), lol

This is canon: he pointed a gun at the Wizard to help Elphaba escape. He had to escape too.

He spent years specifically trying to find her, with the heavily implied desire to run away with her. And what did he do the second he saw her? Ran away with her. Say she hadn't been in danger: say she was either undiscovered, or was reconciled with the Wizard. Do you think — based on your own version of him, double agent headcanon and all — that he would have been content NOT to leave there with her then? That after years of searching, he would just let her fly out of there and leave him behind again? Did we watch the same show?? At this point your take on him is even more reactive and thoughtless than mine, if you think his character would allow him to not only deny his passion for her but also to stay in a situation he regards as meaningless and insufferable. As I said to begin with: he can be protective of her AND do so shallowly and selfishly. Reread my original post if you need a refresher on what makes his attachment to her shallow and selfish; and friendly reminder that my saying these things is not a diss, I'm a fan of Genuinely Self-Absorbed, Deeply Shallow Fiyero.

“He doesn't think about the potential consequences of abandoning Glinda; for never cared about either his own safety or hers,” I’m sorry, are you really blaming Glinda telling Morrible and the Wizard to spread a rumour about hurting Nessa on Fiyero? Talk about fucking victim blaming.

Genuinely baffled as to your thought process here — I never said one word about what you're referring to, I was literally just pointing out that Fiyero didn't remotely consider that his fiancée could potentially catch some flak for his unexpected treason, or that leaving her totally alone with her abusers could worsen her situation (as we actually do see by the time of March of the Witch Hunters, where Morrible is far more directly and openly cruel to her than she was when Fiyero was there). This should be familiar to anyone who's seen abusers behave differently when other people are around, but flip a switch as soon as they have their victim all to themselves.

Not the Elphaba faking her own death plan! That must have taken days as the scarecrow. And careful manoeuvring of everything involved!

Cute, but you do realize you're agreeing with my point, right? Unless you're NOT being sarcastic, in which case... Okay. Fiyero did not plan the Melting. We aren't told how far in advance Elphaba planned the Melting, or what degree of input Fiyero had in it (hard to coordinate beforehand considering she was in a whole different part of Oz than he was, he was with Dorothy at the time, and, y'know... she only just learned that the Scarecrow was him MOMENTS before the Melting) but the pieces were all there and so simple that he could intuitively figure out basically what she was trying to pull off. Secret passage. Fire. Water. Rumor. Literally all he had to do was play along with the stage she'd set. It doesn't exactly take a Doctor of Thinkology.

Well I have happy news for you! He no longer has a hollow existence! That’s literally what act two is trying to tell us! Elphaba: Fiyero, you frightened me. I thought, I though you might have changed. Fiyero: I have... changed. * You’ve got me seeing through different eyes Somehow I’ve fallen under your spell and somehow I’m feeling it’s up that I fell

I hate to burst you bubble... but he hasn't changed for the better. I already said that. He still has a hollow existence — he tells us just how hollow it is in Thank Goodness — he just looks to Elphie as his one and only solace. I've elaborated on some of the layers behind it, but basically I argue that he chose Elphaba as his object of desire precisely because that is what she represents to him, in its purest form. Desire. She's "the one that got away"; the one he can't find; can't reach. The only thing in his meaningless life that's unavailable — and therefore tantalizing. She's the only one who doesn't swoon over him or get caught up in his carefree dissociative escapism. She's the one with a sexual tension so palpable but so frustratingly unresolved (until As Long As You're Mine ofc). She's the only challenge in his life that isn't an ineffable internal conflict between his id and superego: and in fact soothes that conflict because she stimulates them both.

[Wicked Act II spoilers]

[edited for tone and clarity of purpose, apologies for initial crudeness and frustration]

Okay, obviously I'm biased, but I'm gonna need the Fiyeraba shippers to please set a lot of your people straight about some things. I've seen way too many people trying to say that Glinda is just a selfish bimbo and that Fiyero is a virtuous and selfless figure more worthy of Elphaba's love. I'll set aside for now the idea of "worthiness" in this context. But let's start off with Fiyero joining the Wizard. Hoo boy...

Yes, he was initially somewhat less tolerant of the propaganda against Elphaba than Glinda was; yes, he was secretly trying to find her so he could run away with her or whatever. But honey: those facts DO NOT fully absolve his actions as the Wizard's top officer, or selfish recklessness throughout Act II. I see so many popular threads and posts romanticizing and whitewashing with "oh but he didn't REALLY join the Wizard, he just pretended so he could try to get to Elphie! It's all for love, and he sacrificed everything for her!" As if the literal captain of the literally fascist forces responsible for the oppression of Animals wasn't equally responsible for said oppression?? Hello? Fiyero really didn't think of seeking out Elphaba in ANY other way that DIDN'T involve becoming *checks notes*... the trusted leader of the troops committing all the abuses she's fighting against in the first place???? Like it's cool and all that he helped with Brrr, and it's all well and good that he planned on betraying the Wizard as soon as he found Elphaba (which took literal years, so I guess we're left to assume he was prepared to just keep doing fascism indefinitely if she didn't show up????), but uh... it's kind of concerning to how eager some of you are to make excuses for this dude volunteering as the head of the Ozian Gestapo??? smdh

He didn't accomplish anything from it either, by the way — like yeah, we get it, he did everything he did whilst silently fantasizing about running away with the Witch he was being paid to hunt. Fine. But I can't be the only one who doesn't buy that as an actual excuse???? Like, guys: nobody forced him to join the fascist army — even with crazy ulterior motives. He wasn't coerced into it; it wasn't his only choice or anything. Searching for Elphaba did not somehow compel him to go and volunteer to follow (or to give!) orders in the name of the dictator who was trying to have her assassinated the entire time. He could have just not done all that. (Genuinely so curious how the second film plans on covering that material tbh)

Glinda made several questionable decisions that can be (and have been) debated, but she is still very unambiguously a victim. Her position in the Wizard's regime was foisted upon her. There are things we can discuss, but I find that many folks need reminding that Glinda would undoubtedly have been disposed of (or worse) if she failed to make herself useful. I mean hell: she wasn't even supposed to meet the Wizard in the first place — she was only there because of Elphie. If she'd tried to resist, it would have immediately gotten her labeled the Witch's accomplice. As soon as she'd chosen not to get on the broom, her fate was out of her hands, and all available options were varying degrees of horrible.

That's not the case with Fiyero. He went to the Wizard all on his own; no one ever cornered or forced him into it. Thinking Animals are people, and having a crush on Elphaba, simply did not stop him from carrying out the regime's orders — for years. It's not clear exactly how long he's been captain at the start of Act II, but the clear implication is that he's been a soldier for most of the time skip. I've seen Fiyeraba accounts with headcanons about him acting as a double agent, secretly doing stuff to help Animals — and that's a great idea, it would indeed serve to make a lot of his actions way more palatable — but until we actually get to SEE some of that (maybe they'll add it for the movie version of Act II; we'll have to see), there is nothing in the story to suggest that. He certainly didn't do a damn thing for all those Animals who were enslaved and caged in the Wizard's palace — and we don't see a single other Animal outside of there in Act II, so as far as we know Fiyero has participated over those years in the near-total removal of Animals from Ozian society. In the name of "finding Elphaba". Not fighting for her cause. Just finding HER. For HIMSELF.

It's fine to have a ship you like, obviously — and there is genuinely a lot to like about Fiyeraba, I don't dislike the idea of them as a couple or as friends — but come on guys: please stop those out there idealizing Fiyero as somehow a clear "morally-superior" alternative to Glinda, lol. The dude had power, access, and opportunities, for years, that he could have wielded in any number of really selfless, revolutionary ways. He didn't. And I propose (apparently controversially): he simply didn't want to. And that — at the end of the day — is (much as some would like to deny it) true to his character. He always WANTED to be self-absorbed and shallow, and all his actions are consistent with that. Elphaba saw depth and discontentment in him, yes: but (and I cannot stress this enough) when given the chance, he channeled that in the wrong direction. He didn't confront that and become a better person — for the most part he just displaced and projected it onto Elphaba as an object of obsession, and put on an even thicker pretense than before.

All his actions — regardless of the complexity he has deep down — are those of a man who never gives one fuck about anything or anyone, except (kinda sorta) Elphaba. But even then: at no time does the care he has for her seem to extend to caring about any of her wants or needs outside of sexual validation from him, or how she might feel about his actions, or indeed the impacts of those actions upon her, her cause, or anyone or anything else. I don't think it should be all that controversial to say: he doesn't think through the wider repercussions of anything he does — thoughtlessness is just one of his core character traits. He doesn't think ahead or see meaning in anything outside of what can temporarily excite him, in the moment. I think people place a little too much weight on Elphaba clocking him with regard to his internal pain, and seem to expect (understandably of course) that she is not only right, but moreover that he will grow from that in a positive direction, based on her influence.

But he doesn't. If anything, we get a surprising inverse: he pretty much proves her wrong. Not to say he didn't have hidden depth and all that, like she said: but his hypothetical heart of gold proves not to really amount to much in practice. He doesn't grow out of his shallowness and his self-centeredness: he grows into it in a way that he hadn't quite yet in school. Where once he was only masking an internal listlessness, after he's been cracked open by Elphaba he decides to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow, not just coasting by. He performs in new ways — as a soldier, eventually as a "fiancé", etc. — but by Act II we meet a Fiyero who has staked the last remaining shred of humanity in him on the vain pursuit of the only object of his desire that has ever been unavailable to him, and firmly chosen to say to hell with everyone and everything else.

When put to the test, Fiyero sacrifices Glinda, the Animals, and all else that Elphaba actually cared about, to pursue his own unresolved crush from college. Mostly to get in her pants, really — as harsh as I'm sure that sounds. But let me be frank: that is literally all he ever accomplishes in the show. He gives her dick one time, and one of his castles, and that's it. That's the culmination of his years trying to find her — years in which he actively worked as one of the stormtroopers (or even the one commanding them) committing untold crimes against Animalkind (who, again, it seems have been all but erased from Oz by Act II): y'know, the very crimes Elphaba sacrificed her life to try and stop????? He spent the most important time of his life — of his own free will — being a fascist soldier, but he "did it for her" somehow, so according to some, it's perfectly fine. Heroic, even. Yikes??

But let's make something very clear (since my original version of this post caught a lot of flak, including slurs and other rudeness):

I like Fiyero. I find his role extremely interesting (I could do a whole dissertation on him, but I'm especially a fan of the way his proving Elphaba's assessment of him wrong presents a fascinating parallel and contrast with Glinda, which I think is lost on a lot of people). But PLEASE stop with all the misguided Glinda slander and idealization of Fiyero. By all means, thirst! But don't give me all this bullshit about him deserving Elphaba more, or being super deep, or being really principled or noble or whatever else. He does have layers, and quite intriguing ones, but his insides are straw — he isn't meant to have some deep, overwrought emotional core or motivations; he has passions that he acts upon when given the chance. That's it. And that's fine. Actually kind of refreshing in a story rooted in simple children's fantasy but rife with intensely complicated personalities. Fiyero makes it his mission to represent denial of depth and embrace of raw, spontaneous desire — and I for one love that, and wish others appreciated it.

And in all seriousness, shipping wars aside: by the end of the story, it's Glinda who is ultimately vindicated, and has — for all her faults — made the necessary choices to fulfill Elphaba's wishes, bring down the regime, etc. And all that despite herself. She's miserable: not just because of the mistakes she made, but because of her correct moves as well. Fiyero is simply not — and could never be — that person. And that's okay! Like I said: I am not anti-Fiyero. Fiyero's willingness to throw it all away for the sake of sheer, overriding passion is a huge part of what people like about him, of course — and it's an obvious factor in the attraction between him and Elphaba, because she has her own flavor of that impulse as well — but I'd actually argue that it's not romantic, it's his fatal flaw. And thematically that's fantastic! But I just don't believe that it somehow means he "deserves Elphaba more" because he "gave up his life for her" or whatever. In part because NOBODY truly "deserves" Elphie tbh, not 100% (and I question anybody who claims otherwise), but ultimately because I don't accept the idea that his fleeting acts of passion make up for all the shit leading up to them (or even proceeding after them tbh). At least Glinda managed to do what Elphaba always wanted in the end — but I would die on this hill even if Gelphie didn't exist.

You don't have to agree with my analysis of Fiyero and his choices, relationships, etc. — that's fine. What isn't fine is trying to portray Glinda as some kind of spineless traitor whore for the Wizard and Fiyero as a conscientious hero who earned Elphie through self-sacrifice. That's just not the story that was written. It's WAY messier and more interesting than that.

[yllotie]

do you have any heavy dead dove wincest headcannons? 👀

I don't know if these are HEAVY dead dove but they are dead dove nonetheless (Here's a trigger warning out right: certain people won't like what I post, remember this is all fiction and I am not writing about real people, I'm writing about characters!! I do not support the things I post!! If you don't like it, do not interact! Thanks!)

John promises he'd play games with his sons but it's just him forcing Dean to hump Sam while he watches. Dean gets so hard he almost faints and Sam just has his ass high up in the air and face stuffed into a pillow because he doesn't wanna see John's gaze or the fact that his prick is also hard.

Dean forcefully intoxicates Sam on alcohol, heavy alcohol, because he thinks it's fun. It ends up with Dean cumming inside a very much unconscious and drunk buddy who looks like a baby with his pants around his legs and milk all over his stomach

John belittles seven year old Sam's dick because it's a little small for his age, but puts it in his mouth anyway and gets off to feeling Sam dry orgasm quick even though he's begging him not to "sucky" on it. Sam cries and sobs because John is so rough with it and it's not his fault it's so small

When Sam cums, sometimes he says "nonononoo..please stop please please please," because the only thing that can make him cum hard is thinking about Dean raping him again

When Sam got doses up in the ep. where they went to the psyche ward, the high forced Sam to crawl everywhere, Dean got off to this so much that he forced Sam onto the floor and railed him while calling him infantilizing nicknames. Gets off to him crying and trying to push him off!!..the staff thinks Sam is just having a fit again

The only reason Dean knows Sam cries during sex (the groundhog day episode) is because Dean conditioned him to after yeaaars and yearsss and non conning Sam:3

John teaches Sam how to kiss, but instead of just licking into his mouth like usual, John brings Sam's head down until his kiddie is at eye level with dadbulge because he wants him to "kiss something else for today"

Sam got raped by John and Dean SOOO much back then, sometimes if they feel drunk enough, they'll use him together

Sam bruised easily and once Dean found that out, he came so hard his vision almost turned white, so much red violent kisses on Sam's skin and Dean forbids him to wear sleeves or turtle necks or else he'll earn more

Sam got his abuse kink from John hitting him while he raped him, and sometimes Sam can't get off unless he pressed into a bruise or a cut

[helioswritings]

Want

Shanks x fem!reader

wc: 1.5k

Warnings: none

You’re in love with your captain, you know it like you know the sun is going to come up in the mornings, and go down at night.

The air was cold as you exited the warmth of the bar and the tears welling up in the corners of your eyes made them sting. You felt stupid, you were stupid. Shanks could kiss whoever he wanted in whatever shit bar he wanted to. You weren't together, hell, he didn't even know how you felt, so it was stupid to be jealous.

It didn't stop you though, especially when you closed your eyes and saw his hand trailing up her thigh, of her grabbing his face to pull him in closer, to make the kiss deeper. You debated even going back to the ship tonight, you really didn't want to be around if he was going to bring her aboard, and then you felt really pathetic about that, so you marched back to the Red Force anyways.

You knew how Shanks was, and you were very conscious of who he was, too. One of the Four Emperors of the sea and those who weren't terrified of him probably wanted them in his bed too. You knew he had the ability of making people feel special, you knew the power of his charismatic smile, of his loyalty and ferocity. He'd gotten you to fall in love with him easily enough, after all, even if he didn't mean to. You doubt(more like hoped) he knew, but you knew the rest of the crew had long since caught on. You're pretty sure Yasopp had thrown you a pitying look as you walked out, which really humiliated you because you didn't want to live in a world where fucking Yasopp pitied you.

As you were ambling your way through the sand back to the ship, a hand on your shoulder stilled you.

"Where are you going?" The rough timbre of your captain's voice rumbled in your ear.

"Wasn't feeling like drinking tonight, sorry Captain."

You turned to look him in the eye and regretted it. Shanks had lipstick smudged across the corner of his lips and the pupils of his golden brown eyes were blown. He looked very pleased with himself, or would, if he wasn't wearing a small frown.

"Are you feeling okay? Do I need to call Hongo?"

You laugh, although a little bitterly. "No, Captain, I don't need you to call the ship's doctor because I don't feel like drinking."

His frown deepens. "At least let me see you back to the ship."

You know he's stubborn enough to not leave you alone about it, he's got an awful lot of manners for a pirate.

"You looked like you were having fun," you say instead, "don't let me stop you."

"Nah, I'd rather see you back safely."

And doesn't that just piss you off? That he makes you feel so special when you know the opposite? When you know he doesn't look at you and imagine what it would be like to kiss you? You allow an annoyed huff to leave you, but you don't voice it. If the great Red-Haired Shanks wants to personally escort you, then far be it from you to stop him. What a bastard.

The walk is quiet and as usual you stand on the side where his arm is. He prefers it that way, he says, he tells you he likes to be able to reach out and grab you if he needs to. He's so charming about it.

"Do you need me to stay with you?" He breaks the silence between the two of you.

"I'm a grown woman, I don't need a babysitter." The words are razor sharp, a little harsher than you intend for them to come across.

He closes his eyes and lets out a huff of annoyance. Shanks probably isn't used to this amount of pushback from you. "Let me rephrase: do you want me to stay with you?"

You do, of course you do, but you shake your head. "I'll manage."

His eyes turn a little steely and you know this to be his captain expression. "I'm going to stay with you."

You groan internally. "Are you sure you're not just looking for an excuse to keep me company?" A little harmless flirting didn't hurt anything.

"Always."

And that's too weighty for you right now, especially from someone who had his tongue down another woman's throat a few minutes back.

Shanks escorts you to the ship and then up to his room, which is another thing just off about tonight.

"You'd think I was dying the way you're giving me all this special treatment, Captain."

"I just need to talk to you, to keep you company."

Something warm settles in your chest, something syrupy sweet. You can't get rid of it as you sit on a chair next to his ridiculously sized bed, so you tell him; "this bed is ridiculous."

"My ego needs somewhere to sleep."

You snort. "And I'm sure it sleeps well in a bed like this. It looks like Whitebeard and his whole crew could sleep on this thing."

"Now you're just being ridiculous." He says, though it's with a smile.

"Have to be ridiculous to be on this crew, Captain."

He sobers immediately. "That's what I needed to talk about."

That's almost never good. "Go on."

"Do you want to leave? The crew? You've been acting differently, distant."

You didn't think he would notice, nor did you think he could sound so....vulnerable. Like the thought of you leaving hurt.

"I've just been thinking," you say, and then your eyes widen at the utter despair that crosses his face, "not about leaving! It's like- well, I definitely don't want to say."

His hand brushes your cheek. "You can tell me anything."

And you believe him, you really do. "I'm pretty sure I'm, at least somewhat, in love with you."

He jolts back like you've taken out a cattle prod and shocked him. "You're what?"

The tone of his voice makes you regret your words and you move to get up, but just as soon as you've moved away he's grabbing on to you again. "Are you sure?"

The laugh you let out is wounded. "More sure than anything in my whole life."

Shanks leans forward and he's so so close. You can feel his breath across your face. "I'm...." You don't know what to say, not really. You're afraid that if you're too loud, you'll scare him away.

"Is this your first kiss?" He's not teasing, just curious.

"Far from," you answer, still whispering, "I've just never wanted it this bad."

A finger trails across your collarbone and you shiver. "How bad?"

"Like it's all I can think about."

He presses a small kiss to the corner of your lip. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yes."

"I've never done it when I really wanted it."

You rub at the lipstick on his face. "Are you sure?"

He rubs his head into your neck. "I've wanted you so bad I can feel the want running through my veins."

"Careful there, Captain, you're sounding like someone's dirty novel."

The two of you are nose to nose now. "Shanks."

It feels more intimate, somehow, even though you can feel his breath fan across your face, even though every movement makes your noses brush. Absent-mindedly, you lick your lips. His eyes track the movement and you shiver. His cheeks are flushed and you don't think it's from the ale.

Shanks cups the sides of your face gently, like he's holding something fragile and precious. He leans closer.

"Can I kiss you?"

You nod like you can't bring yourself to talk - like the idea of talking is at all appealing to you right now,

He leans forward and captures your lips with his own. He's like a man starved, kissing you like he'll never eat or drink again. You gasp into his mouth and he takes advantage of it. The feel of his tongue startles you into backing away and he frowns.

"I'm sorry." He tells you.

"Don't be. It was just a lot, kissing like you weren't just kissing someone else."

He touches the corner of his mouth, pulling away vermillion stains with his fingers. "When you walked away, I followed after you."

"You looked like you were having fun."

"She wasn't you, though. They never are."

Shanks pulls you on the bed with him, his lone arm circling around you to tug you close. "I never feel the same way about them as I do you."

You can't help it. "And how do you feel about me?"

"A lot. Like I've waited my whole life for you. I feel a whole lot about you."

Your snort turns into a giggle as you bury your face in his neck. "That doesn't even make any sense."

"Neither does how I feel about you."

You yawn, the softness of his bed and the warmth of his body suddenly becoming too much for you. "Goodnight, Shanks."

He kisses the top of your head, "Goodnight, sweetheart."

And it is.

[maleyanderecafe]

My Sister Picked Up The Male Lead (Webcomic)

Created by: Moon Si Hyun / Doubu

Genre: Isekai

Considering that the story starts out with a little boy the main character and sister adopt that turns into a half naked man at night, I didn't really see the yandere come in, but I was very obviously wrong. This series does have the male lead as a yandere, but he is more on the mild side, with kidnapping and being overprotective. The story just finished it's second season with currently about 83 chapters.

The story starts out pretty simply with Amy's older sister, Diana, picking up the male lead. Although he is a child, Amy recognizes immediately that he is the male lead who is under a curse, Lennox of the cursed royal family. Unable to tell Diana this, she helps name the child Nox and takes care of him. At night, Amy finds out that Nox turns back into his adult (and half naked) form, and initially is very hostile towards Amy, not knowing where he is and what is going on. Amy learns that Nox (his younger form) and Lennox (his adult form) don't share memories and has to explain to Lennox about what is going on. She promises to take care of both forms and decides to not tell Diana as to not freak her out. After some days, Diana comes back from working as a adventurer (or swords lady, I'm not actually sure) to try to keep Amy and Nox safe, as it seems like there is someone hunting them. Amy and Lennox are able to escape and with the help of Lennox's sword fighting abilities is able to fight off the people after him and escape into the woods. There, Amy finds a book relating to Nox's curse, which also gives her a sigil on her hand that can make Nox turn into a boy and vice versa. Diana is able to save the two and soon after finds out about Nox's curse after finding Lennox hugging Amy at night (and almost skewering him). Eventually, one of Lennox's lackys comes to try to find him, and although Nox doesn't want Amy to leave him, Amy and Diana are forced to escape into the city and live a new life so that they aren't caught by the royal guards and so that Nox can find the real female lead to fall in love with.

After three years, the sisters continue to live together, and Amy actually meets with the crowed prince who seems surprisingly interested in her because of her strong magic. She, of course, doesn't want any attention and tries to push him off of her, though later down the line, he continues to persist meeting her in visions. Amy gets kidnapped by Nox's people and Nox basically imprisons her in the mansion that he has. Initially Amy attempts to bid her time and run away, but eventually starts to fall for Nox again. Nox has also been able to tone down his curse, now only turning into a child every 15 days instead of every night, something that he later does use to his advantage. During this time, Amy also learns about the tale of Lennox's family and their relationship to the Fenrirs, whom they bond with. The Fenrir actually decides to give Amy it's child to take care of, which Amy does (though with more reluctance). As time goes on, Amy starts to really fall for Lennox, and even when Lennox does meet the female lead, he only seems to have eyes for Amy. Diana's sister finally comes into the picture in an attempt to break Amy out, but is later explained the situation from Amy that Nox was the one who took care of her, also the fenrir is able to turn into a human child now. The last couple of chapters are Amy learning magic and going through a couple of trials to try to break Nox's curse.

I will say that while the introduction of this story is fairly interesting, having a cursed male lead that can turn into both a boy and his adult form, with the two sides not sharing any memories, it does get a bit boring after the timeskip. Amy, I think personally isn't all that compelling of a character, since most of her story is pretty standard for isekai, where she's trying to make the story stay the same by avoiding falling for the male lead, but ultimately fails, because he's in love with her. Sure there are moments which I thought were pretty neat like Amy being able to tell that the crowned prince is manipulating her by pretending to be her sister because she can tell that her outfit is of a worse quality than what she would normally wear, or when she's able to learn magic and pass the trials, but ultimately she kind of just feels like she's being swept up by the plot most of the time. I would argue that Diana is much more interesting and she's not really in the story. Putting aside my bias for cool sword ladies, Diana is trying to keep both her and a young boy away from harm by working as a knight, having to hide them both as people are going after them, and although it takes her an oddly long amount of time, is able to find and confront Nox about kidnapping her sister. Unfortunately, she really isn't in most of the story seeing as the story is more focused on Amy and Nox but I honestly wish she had more of a role in the story overall.

Nox and Lennox on the other hand are sort of interesting with the curse going on, swapping to both sides. Both of them have yandere tendencies, though they tend to be light. Nox is much more clingy, kind of similar to Blake from The Little Princess and her Monster Prince, though like Blake he also has the tendency to be more protective over her when there are other characters who he thinks might steal her away (even getting jealous of the baby fenrir she's been taking care of because he wants to be cute too). It is a little sad when Nox sees Amy again after the timeskip as he basically begs her to not leave him again, believing that it's something that he did to make her run away from him, which is what he probably does feel given he doesn't have the memories that Lennox has. I do feel bad for him though since he would have never known why Amy suddenly disappeared. Lennox on the other hand is a bit more possessive and overall protective over Amy. Although initially he seemed distrustful that some random sisters had decided to take care of him, he falls for Amy and then spends a long time trying to look for her and kidnap her, with everyone in the mansion taking care of her or protecting her from evil. That being said, he is one of those yanderes that does respect Amy's space, though he also tries to advance on her multiple times just to show that he's into her.

Overall, I think the story is just kind of okay, and while there are some yandere moments here and there, it's one of those isekai that you read to not really think about, and if you want to see half naked male lead bodies (especially in the first half). If you are interested, please give it a try.